Category: Random Thoughts

Land-o-Links – 7/12/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago White Sox, Land-o-Links, Major League Baseball, Random Thoughts, SportsLeave a comment

It wasn’t exactly an exciting All-Star Game up until there were 2 outs in the 9th inning last night, but it was nice to see the American League clinch home-field advantage for their pennant winner, who will hopefully be the White Sox. By the way, I really can’t stand the fact that Bud Selig decided to use an exhibition game to determine home-field advantage for the game’s championship as opposed to using the individual records of the teams involved like every other sport. However, I’ve got to admit I was on edge when Michael Young had 2 strikes on him in the top of the 9th as well as when Mariano Rivera was closing it out at the bottom – this really did have true implications for AL manager Ozzie Guillen and my White Sox in the future. It was artificially created and completely unfair drama, but it was drama nonetheless. Anyway, here are today’s links:

1) New Gender Divide: At Colleges, Women Are Leaving Men in the Dust (New York Times) – Case study used: a comparison of the performances of Frank the Tank and his wife at the University of Illinois.

2) In Tijuana, the Real ‘Nacho Libre’ (Washington Post) – The happiest place on Earth!

3) Shock and Gone (Chicago Tribune) – I have never listened to Mancow with any regularity, but I do remember back in high school when he announced one morning that he was going to pay for all of the customers at a Homewood gas station around the corner from my childhood home, which caused the worse traffic jam that has ever been seen in the South Suburbs (and with the perpetual construction surrounding the I-80/I-294 interchange heading into Indiana, AKA “The I-PASS Lane to the Gates of Hell”, that’s saying something).

4) Sports Bars May Be Left With Shania, ‘Simpsons’ (Chicago Sun-Times) – It’s the day after the All-Star Game, which means it’s also the worst day of the year for sports fans.

And finally…

5) Awkward Moments Abound in Penis Pump Trial (San Francisco Chronicle) – Our nation’s justice system at work.

Fine Explosions in Naperville and Land-o-Links for 7/5/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Big Ten, Chicago White Sox, College Basketball, Illinois Fighting Illini, Land-o-Links, Major League Baseball, NBA Basketball, Random Thoughts, Sports3 Comments

When my wife and I decided to buy a house in Naperville and leave our apartment in Roscoe Village on the North Side of Chicago a couple of years ago, most of my friends thought it was more sane for us to move to a space station using a shuttle that had pieces of foam falling off of it. The majority of the comments were along the lines of, “You’re moving to Yuppie-ville?” and “Enjoy the beige houses.” Of course, these friends at the time were all (a) not married and (b) looking at things from the perspective of renting for the next year as opposed to emptying out a bank account to buy a place to prospectively raise a family for the next ten to twenty years.

Granted, there are plenty of things that I miss about living in the city. In particular, I loved our neighborhood of Roscoe Village, which was lined with classic Chicago brownstones and close enough to Wrigleyville to walk to Clark and Addison within twnety minutes yet far enough away that we didn’t have idiot Cubs fans pissing on our lawn after games. (As a Sox fan that lived that close to Wrigley Field during the all-consuming Cubs playoff run in 2003, I have little patience for Cubs fans claiming that South Siders have been too obnoxious since we won last year. The only thing worse than being a White Sox fan living on the North Side during that time in ’03 was being a Red Sox fan stuck in the Bronx at that same time.) There’s no place in the world that I love more than Chicago and I still get a small adrenaline rush when my commuter train pulls into view of the city’s skyline every morning.

That being said, moving to Naperville was a terrific decision. Forget about the stellar public schools or the accolades that it is the best place to live in the nation. Here’s what it all comes down to, which I learned about last night: Best. Fireworks. Ever.

They were so good that I actually felt compelled enough to dedicate an entire post to such an inane subject. Let me note that I’m not throwing these positive proclamations around very lightly. My parents to this day are certified fireworks fanatics, which means that I spent my Fourth of July weekends as a child hitting the South Suburban fireworks trifecta of shows in Hazel Crest, Chicago Heights, and our hometown of Glenwood on consecutive evenings. They seriously go out of their way to catch as many fireworks performances as they can not only during the Independence Day season, but for the rest of the year, as well (i.e. Chicago’s Venetian Night, the twice-weekly Navy Pier shows, etc.). At the same time, I’ve been fortunate enough to witness fireworks displays in Chicago’s Grant Park, the National Mall in Washington, D.C., on Lahaina Harbor in Maui, and at Walt Disney World in Florida (for a view on Philadelphia’s fireworks, check out my sister’s blog). (The Most Disappointing Fourth of July Fireworks Ever: Las Vegas. Last year when I was there, instead of the city having the fireworks shoot off of the rooftops of the hotels on the Strip as it had in the past, the show was shuffled off into a largely inaccessible area someplace north of the Hilton. I was upset for a moment until I realized that I was still in Vegas, which made me happy again.)

Honestly, when it comes down to pure pyrotechnics (obviously, the locale of, say, the nation’s capitol adds to the overall experience), the Naperville Ribfest fireworks beat them all. Considering the inordinate number of fireworks shows that I’ve watched, the fact that probably over half of the the fireworks there were shot off were types that I had never seen before, ranging from ones that dropped down looking like unbroken streamers falling from the sky and a number that exploded to form smiley faces. At the same time, I have never seen a fireworks display that was as perfectly synchronized to music as this one. The soundtrack wasn’t there for background filler; each song sample had its own separate types of fireworks and the explosions were timed right in line with the proper beats – simply phenomenal. If you’re in the Chicago area next year during the Fourth of July weekend, I’d highly recommend the Naperville Ribfest fireworks over the Third of July fireworks at the Taste of Chicago based purely on the overall quality of the show.

Anyway, I know a few of you are dying for my take on Ben Wallace signing with the Bulls (WOW!!!), which will be forthcoming, but I’ll also be spinning some baseball thoughts into that analysis for those that are weary of my NBA focus lately (you’ll see how). Until then, here are the links for the day:

1) Keith Richards to Be in ‘Pirates’ Movie (Washington Post) – Disney is going to save a ton of money on makeup costs with this move.

2) ‘Punch A.J.’ Campaign Under Way (whitesox.com) – I’m sure Minneapolis Red Sox is going to push for his man Francisco Liriano (and I’ll grant the argument that the Twins phenom is more deserving of an All-Star spot), but you’ve got to give credit to the White Sox marketing staff for having a great sense of humor. I can’t wait to see what the Maloof brothers are going to do to get out the vote for Ron Artest next year.

3) NBA Draft: The Illini Spin (Illini Board) – A look from John Brumbaugh about the next destinations for James Augustine and Dee Brown.

4) Lil’ Kim Leaves Prison in Style (AllHipHop.com) – This is really going to hurt her reality TV show career.

5) Benny the Bull Charged With Attacking a Police Officer (CBS Sportsline) – This is when we really need those mugshots from The Smoking Gun.

And finally…

6) Kobayashi Stands Triumphant Again (Deadspin.com) – The only time he has ever failed was against a bear in “Man vs. Beast” (a great reality show better known for then-unknown but eventual Olympic gold medalist Shawn Crawford seriously coming close to accusing the zebra that he lost to in a race of taking injections in the behind from Jose Canseco in an Oakland A’s lockeroom stall). Regardless, statues need to be erected for Kobayashi on Coney Island.

(Update:  This link couldn’t wait…

7) Hot Dog – Moo & Oink Jingle Gets Some Flavor (Chicago Tribune) – If you ever watched Soul Train back in the day on WGN with any regularity (I know I’m not the only half-Chinese/half-Polish guy out there that did), you understand that this is a travesty.) 

Land-o-Links – 6/23/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago White Sox, Land-o-Links, Major League Baseball, NBA Basketball, Random Thoughts, SportsLeave a comment

It's been an amazing week all around.  Here are some links for the weekend:

1) Ozzie Apologizes to Every Homosexual (Jay the Joke) – Ozzie Guillen correctly apologizes for using the f-bomb and then proceeds with a 4-minute long diatribe on how Jay Mariotti is still a "piece of shit."  This is absolutely well worth listening to in its entirety.

2) Guillen, Duncan Feud Over Plunking (Chicago Tribune) – During any other week with any other manager, an order to bean the son of the pitching coach of the opposing team would be the topic #1 around here.

3) A League of Their Own (Boston Globe) – Indy Transplant and I went to the White Sox-Cardinals game last night (Sox won 1-0 with their only hit being a Jim Thome homer, which was simply magnificent) and had a discussion on how much better the American League has been compared to the National League.  Sure enough, the Red Sox came out today with simulated stats showing that the record of an American League team playing a National League schedule would improve by 10 games over the entire regular season.

What's interesting to me is that the reputations of leagues and conferences in all of the major sports have completely switched around from when I was growing up.  The National League seemed to have all of the best players in the game back in the 1980s but it now seems to be the place where, as Bill Simmons claims, old pitchers from the AL such as Pedro Martinez and Roger Clemens go to spend their twilight years since the competition is so much easier.  Meanwhile, the days where the NBA Championship was really won during the grudge matches between the Bulls, Pistons, Knicks, Cavs, and Pacers in the Eastern Conference are now gone with the Western Conference now boasting teams which don't make the playoffs that could probably be top seeds if they were in the East (notwithstanding Miami's victory this past week).  Finally, in the NFL, I grew up wondering if I would ever see the AFC win a Super Bowl (the NFC was victorious in 13 straight Super Bowls, a streak that was broken by the Broncos beating the Packers in glorious fashion in Super Bowl XXXII), which seems laughable now.  To this day, I have a knee-jerk negative reaction whenever I hear someone say how bad the NFC is, but I then pull back and have to remind myself how that person is right.

4) Knicks End Year of Disharmony (New York Times) – If he hasn't already, Greg Oden needs to hire a real estate agent in Chicago pronto.  I love you, Isiah.

And finally… 

5) Limited Action Figures of B.I.G., Public Enemy Coming This Fall (AllHipHop.com) – I can fulfill my dreams of Biggie Smalls putting the smack down on C-3PO.

Land-o-Links – 6/21/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Big Ten, Chicago White Sox, College Basketball, College Football, Land-o-Links, Major League Baseball, NBA Basketball, Random Thoughts, Sports2 Comments

What an evening! Mark Cuban got fined $250,000, Dwyane Wade lived up to the Michael Corleone analogy Shaq dropped a few months ago (where Kobe Bryant is Sonny and Penny Hardaway is Fredo), the White Sox hammered in 20 runs on the Cardinals, and Ozzie Guillen turned a new rookie into a sacrificial lamb in yet another beanball war. On top of that, there was such a plethora of fantastic news that I just had to post some more links for today:

1) Guillen Has Choice Words for Mariotti (Chicago Tribune) – How those in professional sports feel about Jay Mariotti.

2) Jay the Joke – How all of the rest of us feel about Jay Mariotti (actually, Ozzie summed it up pretty well above, but the detail on this blog is a public service to society as a whole).

3) YWML Suddenly Huge With 13-Year-Olds (Deadspin) – Frequent Deadspin readers will understand why this is such a ridiculously hilarious development. For those that need a refresher course, just consult your friendly Wikipedia.

4) Nine Lives, Still Intact (Hartford Courant) – The life of Lewis the Cat was spared by a Connecticut judge yesterday, although he'll be on house arrest for the rest of eternity. We in the legal field call this "The Martha Stewart Treatment" (celebrities get all of the breaks).

5) Big Ten Creates Another Revenue Channel (The Wizard of Odds) – All Big Ten, all the time. You had me at hello.

And finally…

6) Career Suicide (Siberia, Minnesota) – There are some things that you see and you can't unsee them.

Land-o-Links – 6/20/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago Cubs, Land-o-Links, Major League Baseball, NBA Basketball, Random Thoughts, SportsLeave a comment

Huge sports night is on tap with Game 6 of the NBA Finals and White Sox vs. Cardinals. Until then, here are today's links:

1) Cursing (Blog Maverick) – I vacillate between sincerely respecting Mark Cuban's passion for life on the one hand and wondering how someone who still can't properly use "your" versus "you're" can become one of the richest people in the world on the other hand.

By the way, Chicago quite possibly has the most boring set of sports team owners anywhere. Jerry Reinsdorf is a noted recluse, the Tribune Company is a faceless corporation, the McCaskey family hasn't appeared anywhere since hiring Jerry Angelo to run the Bears, and Bill Wirtz is too busy peddling bottles of booze to realize that he also owns a hockey team. In contrast, take a look at Dallas. If Tom Hicks, who as owner of the Texas Rangers signed A-Rod to a contract worth a quarter of a billion dollars, lived in any other city, he would be considered that nutty, crazy, and wacky guy that is always trying to get his name into the paper. However, he's only a distant third on the insanity scale in Dallas behind Cuban and Jerry Jones. Just a random observation.

(Update: Cuban actually sounds somewhat rational in his latest post regarding whether the NBA is rigged. The lack of proper punctuation, however, is still there.)

(2nd Update: Bill Simmons reiterates his theory on NBA referee assignments.)

2) Let Us Now Read From the Book of Dwyane (Deadspin) – I'm really just linking to this because of the picture. Although I picked the Mavericks to win the NBA Finals and I still believe that they will pull out the last two games in Dallas, I have to admit that I have a man crush on Dwyane Wade. He's real and he's spectacular.

3) Capitalist Rap (Forbes) – 50 Cent is obviously selling a whole lot of that purple stuff. He also performed a Don King-style fleecing of Mike Tyson.

4) No Hugs for Piven at Wrigley (Chicago Tribune) – A nice treat for all of those fathers that spent the day with their kids at the Cubs game on Sunday.

And finally…

5) Business Dreams Turn Sour (Chicagoist) – Forget about the increase in gang activity. There's now been an uptick in illicit lemonade stand trafficking. It looks like the South Side has followed me to Naperville.

Land-o-Links – 6/16/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago Bulls, Land-o-Links, NBA Basketball, Random ThoughtsLeave a comment

My extra time to kill this afternoon means that all of you get an extra Land-o-Links before the weekend. In anticipation of the cornucopia of sports riches with the U.S. Open (although it looks like Tiger Woods won't make cut), NBA Finals (this series has gone from appearing to be dead at 10 pm on Tuesday to becoming something closer to the classic matchup that I had originally predicted), and interleague baseball (I actually have to cheer for the Cubs this weekend since they are playing the Tigers) over the next couple of days, here is some reading material to give your Friday a boost:

1) The FKS Guide to Dating Other Heterosexual Men (F.K.S.) – Brilliantly funny stuff from a highly recommended blog written by a frequent Deadspin commenter.

2) Missy Elliot Bio-Pic Being Produced by Actor Robert De Niro (AllHipHop.com) – Young Don Corleone, Jake LaMotta, Jack Byrnes… and Missy Elliot.

3) Dan Rather Considering Offer From Mark Cuban (New York Times) – Looks like the Mavericks are getting desperate for some more help to contain Dwyane Wade.

4) Fans to Manage Minor League Team for Second Half (ESPN.com) – Somehow, this seems completely appropriate for the land of Woodfield.

And finally but unfortunately…

5) Jordan an NBA Owner – Again (Chicago Tribune) – Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On that note, I'm off to recall better times by watching my Michael Jordan DVD collection, which includes Game 6 of the 1998 NBA Finals that ended with his last and most famous shot ever. That's right, that was the final shot of his career. MJ did not play another game in anything other than a Bulls uniform after that moment. I'm serious, folks.

Land-o-Links – 6/15/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Land-o-Links, Major League Baseball, Random Thoughts, Sports3 Comments

I almost crashed my car earlier this week when I heard the new Jay-Z/Beyonce song, where Jigga's opening line is, "I used to run the bases like Juan Pierre." Well, judging by how well he has played this season, we can note that Juan Pierre also used to run the bases like Juan Pierre but doesn't do so anymore. As your resident White Sox fan, I'm pleading mea culpa to my misguided remarks before the season that I would rather take Pierre over Scott Podsednik as a leadoff man. Alas, this brings up an important question – is it more impressive that Jay-Z name-drops Pierre in a song or that Scotty Pods is married to a Playboy Playmate? Feel free to leave your comments on this issue as well as today's links:

1) Celebrity Sports Fan Rankings (ESPN.com) – Speaking of Jay-Z, Hova as partial-owner of the Nets comes in at #6 on this list. Our Chicago reps are Bill Murray (the one guy I really wish was a fellow Sox fan is #9 for the Cubs), Eddie Vedder (interesting choice for the Bulls at #11), Jim Belushi (really stretching the definition of celebrity at #29 for the Blackhawks), George Wendt (a shame that he is ranked lower than the less talented Belushi brother at #35 for the Bears) and Da Mayor himself, Richard Daley (appropriate comment by ESPN at #43 for the White Sox). Overall, it's a pretty legit list, although the stunning choice for the Yankees (whom after the Lakers, should have had the pick of the litter in star power) gave me that vomit-in-the-back-of-the-throat taste in my mouth while Jon Bon Jovi and Usher were not given their proper due whatsoever here.

(Update: Also, where is Lil' Jon?)

liljon_041106_7.jpg
2) Jay-Z Shelves Cristal at 40/40 Club, Urges Boycott (AllHipHop.com) – Once again speaking of Jay-Z and following up on a report from last week, our Roc-A-Fella Records founder doesn't care for the French, either.

3) Bush Received Weapons Cache From King of Jordan (The Smoking Gun) – Complete list of gifts from foreign leaders to President Bush during 2004. I didn't realize Prince Bandar of Saudi Arabia was such a huge Cowboys fan.

4) At Tribune, a Call for a Split (New York Times) – Maybe the Cubs will be sold after all.

5) Sox Pitcher Dismissed After Miss (Chicago Sun-Times) – After Suge Knight, Ozzie Guillen is the last person in the world that you want to cross.

And finally…

6) How Much is Your Blog Worth? (Business Opportunities Weblog) (submitted by Minneapolis Red Sox) – For all of my fellow bloggers out there, be sure to check out how much your blog is worth based on your Technorati link count and the AOL-Weblogs deal. If you would like to pay the current market value of $5,645.40 for Frank the Tank's Slant, please contact me ASAP. I'm nothing if not a capitalist.

(Photo from Atlanta Thrashers.com)

Land-o-Links – 6/13/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Land-o-Links, NFL Football, Random Thoughts, Soccer, Sports1 Comment

A post on a sport that I never write about is on tap for tomorrow. Hint: it's not about soccer, which Minneapolis Red Sox has already eloquently addressed. By the way, I'm in search of new country to root for in the World Cup as the U.S. and Poland were inept in their opening games and won't make it to the final 16 unless they can pull off upsets against some superpowers. Also, I believe Las Vegas oddsmakers have put the over/under for the number of days after the World Cup ends that it takes for that guy from Paraguay who headed the ball into his own net this past weekend to "disappear" at negative 3. Anyway, here are today's links:

1) Multiple Injuries, Few Injuries for Roethlisberger (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) – WTF, Big Ben?! As my buddy B-Diddy mentioned, Ben Roethlisberger wore a helmet everyday to work, so why would he not wear one riding a motorcycle going 60-plus miles per hour? I was in a catatonic state for days after Jay Williams wrapped his motorcycle around a pole on the North Side of Chicago (throwing the Bulls back into a hole that they were just starting to come out of at that time), so I can only imagine how Steeler Nation is feeling right now after seeing this happen to their star quarterback that's coming off winning a Super Bowl in only his second season in the NFL.

It isn't too strange that Pennsylvania doesn't have a helmet law for motorcycle riders. What is wacky to me, though, is that it used to have a helmet law until 2003, when it was then repealed. So, enough Pennsylvania politicians were actually convinced that the law was such a bad idea that they had to get rid of it. The biker lobby must have joined forces with Charlton Heston and the NRA to get that type of result.

Let's just hope Big Ben comes out of this okay.

2) For Some, Online Persona Undermines a Resume (New York Times) – Word to the wise: remove any references as to how you "smoke blunts" off of your MySpace personal profiles. As one fellow Illinois grad found out (thanks for making us look like schmucks, dude), that's probably a bad idea when you're looking for a job.

3) Worst-Case CTA Scenarios (Chicago Tribune) – No mention of what to do if you're trapped on the El with Ronnie Woo Woo, which has happened to me on multiple occasions.

And finally… 

4) How To Brainwash Your Baby Early (Deadspin) – Do I think this is the latest sign of the apocalypse? Yes. However, do I also believe that there should be a statute enacted making it mandatory that every hospital in the State of Illinois provide an Illini version of this, whenever it is released, to go home with every baby? Absolutely.

Land-o-Links – 6/8/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Land-o-Links, Random ThoughtsLeave a comment

I'm off to the White Sox-Tigers game tonight courtesy of TK (I will not mention the 'S' word after two Sox victories). At the same time, the NBA Finals are starting. Just for kicks, I'm predicting a classic series with the Mavs winning over the Heat in 7 games and Dirk Nowitzki cementing his place among the league's elite. Here are some links to tide you over until tonight:

1) In the Body of an Accounting Professor, a Little Bit of the Mongol Hordes (New York Times) – Khaaannn!!!

2) Pitcher Spills Steroid, Speed Secrets (The Smoking Gun) – This has the potential to be a bigger bombshell than the leaked BALCO grand jury testimony. Look at all of the blacked out names starting on page 12 of this affidavit. That's a lot of players that are going to be outed by Jason Grimsley. By the way, remember "Batgate" from a few years ago involving an Indians player climbing through the viaducts in Comiskey Park to steal a confiscated Albert "Corky" Belle bat? Grimsley should have his own episode of America's Most Wanted.

3) 'Hell Awaits' Drivers at the Airport No More (Chicagoist) – Airport officials have finally figured out that driving around in circles was starting to annoy people.

4) Showcase Metra Station Suffering (Chicago Tribune) – Ugh, as a former frequent Illinois Central rider, I know exactly what everyone is talking about here. The Roosevelt Road station is essentially an outhouse coupled with a subpar toothpick bridge project from a high school physics class.

5) Nothing Beats 1st Title; Just Ask '91 Bulls (Chicago Tribune) – All in all, the '91 Bulls run was the best championship season that I ever have or will personally experience as a fan. I was a little too young to fully appreciate the magnitude of what the '85 Bears accomplished, while the all-encompassing-sports-are-everything attitude has dissipated as I've gotten older when experiencing the more recent White Sox and Illini successes. However, the '91 Bulls hit the personal sweet spot: at the point in my life when sports meant the most to me, my favorite team in my favorite sport led by my favorite athlete won its first championship. That's something that can never be replicated. This also happened 15 years ago, which makes me feel freakin' old.

And finally…

6) Managing Director of Cristal Not Impressed With Rap Patronage (AllHipHop.com) – Funny, I never heard the French complain about American rappers when our boys stormed the beaches at Normandy. Ungrateful bastards.

(Update: A nice picture of the U.S. Cellular Field scoreboard from last night – Oak Park Night, no less – is on TK's site. Other than the fact that the Sox sucked it up against The Gambler after the first inning, it was a fantastic evening.)

Basking in My Otioseness

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago White Sox, Major League Baseball, NBA Basketball, Random Thoughts, SportsLeave a comment

May sweeps might be over, but that didn't stop me from some hardcore vegetating on the couch last night:

1) Samir Goes Down – I doomed Samir Patel with my “MJ in 1991” comment yesterday. He wilted like a flower suffering from eremacausis and didn't even make it to the prime time final of the National Spelling Bee. Patel is already looking toward a recrudesce next year after he takes some time off to play in the White Sox farm system. The winner Katharine Close, however, was a machine last night. While every other contestant had to stoop to the standard stalling techniques of repeating the same questions about the definition and country of origin over and over again at one point or another, she just proceeded to pound out every word without a hint of hesitation. It was like those days in the late-1980s when you would pay fifty bucks to watch a Mike Tyson fight on pay-per-view and then he would pummel his opponent in 45 seconds. She knocked those words back to Bolivia.

2) WTF Sox Bullpen?! – I'm extremely disappointed in the White Sox on this 3-game losing streak since they (a) couldn't take advantage of the Tigers finally having to play someone other than the Royals (much less the Yankees) and (b) completely let the Indians back into the AL Central race as opposed to killing them off. What's even more worrisome is the status of our bullpen, which is a glaring weakness that has been covered up so far this season by the hot Sox offense. I'd seriously rather have the Cubs bullpen out there over what we have on the South Side for the stretch run. I'm hoping Kenny Williams is burning up the phone lines to address this situation ASAP.

3) Dirk Rolls Over the Suns – How spectacular has Dirk Nowitzki been for the Mavs during the playoffs? Not only is he a 7-footer that can drop 50 points in a game both inside and outside of the arc, but his Governor of Cal-i-for-ni-a postgame interviews have been classic. You know he's stepped up to another level when every tall white European draft prospect with a halfway decent jumpshot from now until the end of time will be described as possibly becoming the “next Dirk Nowitzki”. Shaq vs. Dirk in the NBA Finals is exactly the matchup that I long to see.

4) They Wouldn't Do This to Catherine Zeta-Jones – Why does the T-Mobile commercial centering around an arena full of fans (presumably all Pistons backers) cheering and waiting for Ben Wallace to come out during his pregame introduction show the Miami Heat home floor at the beginning? And why does Vince Carter have a bulimic dog? These are the things in life that really bother me.

Happy Friday and enjoy your weekend!