Category: NFL Football

Land-o-Links – 8/14/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago White Sox, Land-o-Links, Major League Baseball, NFL Football, Random Thoughts, SportsLeave a comment

A few links to get your week started off right:

1) Disconnected in Suburbia – After being banned from the interweb by the FCC for a few weeks, Chronically Insane is back and we’re all better for it.

2) Fat Factors (New York Times) – This is a lengthy article, but it goes over fascinating studies scientists are performing to examine factors outside of genes and eating/exercise habits that could cause obesity (including viruses).

3) Try As They Might, Bears Can’t Quell QB Derby (Chicago Tribune) – I forgot to mention another reason as to why preseason football is excruciating: the inevitable infatuation Bears fans develop with the backup quarterback after the first preseason game. This puppy love will continue until that backup quarterback actually has to play or the last game of the season, whichever comes first.

4) You Hearin’ Those Footsteps? (South Side Sox) – I’m feeling a little bit better today about the playoff hopes for the White Sox, but there’s still a ton of work to be done.

5) Stephen A. Smith Heckled at the 2006 NBA Draft, Second Round (YouTube) (from Minneapolis Red Sox) – QUITE FRANKLY, I NEED MY CHEESE DOODLES!!!

6) VH-1 Flavor of Love Blog – Unofficial takes on the best show on television.

And finally…

7) Kanye West to Tour With Rolling Stones and U2 (AllHipHop.com) – I got jipped with the opening act when I went to see the Stones back in January. Wow!!!

Preseason Blues and Land-o-Links for 8/5/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Big Ten, Chicago Bears, College Football, Illinois Fighting Illini, Land-o-Links, NFL Football, Random Thoughts, Sports5 Comments

I love football. It doesn’t matter whether it’s pro football or college football – I’ll watch it all. I run multiple fantasy football teams every year. There have to be monstrous extraneous factors for me to miss watching a Bears or Illini game. However, for all of this love for the pigskin, there’s one thing that doesn’t excite me at all: preseason football.

Even though my heart flutters a little bit when NFL training camps open, preseason football just doesn’t do it for me. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll most likely end up watching the Hall of Fame Game this weekend along with all of the Bears preseason games (not to mention that a number of professional gamblers believe that the preseason presents great betting opportunities). Yet, as opposed to whetting my appetite for the upcoming regular season, which is what spring training does for me with baseball, the NFL preseason is an excruciatingly long month that puts me on edge.

The reason is that the NFL preseason has absolutely no correlation with what occurs during the regular season. (Random Factoid for Use in a Bar Bet – Question: What was the Bears’ preseason record before their 15-1 Super Bowl season in 1985? Answer: 1 win, 3 losses.) While the third game of the preseason is usually when teams leave their starters in for the most amount of time, the ultimate goal for most head coaches is to make sure they don’t have too many injuries going into the season opener. That means the average preseason game might see the starting units on the field for the first quarter, at most (I doubt we’ll see Rex Grossman take snaps for more than a series or two per game). After that, it’s a cacophony of scrubs trying to grab a third-string spot or a place on the practice squad. That’s not real football. At least in spring training baseball games, there is a feeling that the game of baseball is actually being played with the players that are going to be out there everyday.

There is nothing better in sports than a football game where both teams are playing at the highest level. However, preseason football is a bastardized version of this great sport. That being said, I’ll still watch it, though. On to today’s links:

1) Best Sports Cities 2006: Welcome Back, Chicago (Sporting News) – It’s no contest.

2) Zook’s Latest Coup Gives Hope (Mark Tupper Weblog) – How many “risks” are going to be acceptable for Ron Zook to take in order to get the Illini football program back on the map? Illinois just enrolled Melvin Alaeze, who was the number one rated defensive end in the nation out of the high school Class of 2005 but had his scholarship to Maryland rescinded because he (a) failed to qualify academically (which concerns me since Illinois is considerably more difficult to get into than Maryland) and (b) has some problems with the reefer. Of course, something tells me that if he really is the faster and stronger version of Simeon Rice that the scouts claim and Illinois turns into a perennial bowl game participant that we believe it should be, we’re going to end up forgetting these details within the next couple years. It’s somewhat sad, but it’s true everywhere in big-time college athletics.

3) Wee, Wee, Wee – Half the Way Home (Siberia, Minnesota) – Some of my Illini brethren have been foiled again. It’s probably a good thing that Facebook didn’t exist when I was in college (and an extremely good thing for Minneapolis Red Sox).

4) Whoa, Wait – You Meant That? (Chicagoist) – This is what happens when the Chicago City Council fails high school economics.

5) Bears Need Offense to Help Defense (ESPN.com) – The Bears training camp report filed by John Clayton AKA Bill Gates’ Dorkier Little Brother. Interesting tidbit: only one Bears team over the past 10 seasons has averaged more than 21 points a game, which was the 2001 club that averaged a huge 21.1. Bleh!

6) Top Ten Will Farrell SNL Skits of All Time (TK) – For anyone that has ever wondered, I seriously have had the nickname of Frank the Tank since my tenure at Brookwood Junior High at the beginning of the 1990s, which was long before Will Farrell’s character of the same name ever appeared in Old School.

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And finally…

7) Write Your Very Own Sports Guy Column (The Chicago Sports Review) (from Deadspin) – Bill Simmons AKA The Sports Guy on ESPN’s Page 2 is one of my favorite columnists on any subject, whether it’s inside or outside of the sports arena. Over time, he has developed a distinct writing style which has influenced plenty of writers out there (including myself), where a column on a sports topic is heavily interspersed with reality TV show and ’80s pop culture references. In fact, Simmons’ writing style has become so pervasive that it was only a matter of time that someone put up a “Mad Libs”-style form to create your own Sports Guy column. You can take a look at my end product, which is on the next page, but you really need to try it out yourself first before reading anyone else’s versions in order to get the full effect.

(UPDATE: The real Sports Guy has new mailbag column today, where he provides an apt description of the cab line at the Las Vegas airport.)

Continue reading “Preseason Blues and Land-o-Links for 8/5/2006” →

Land-o-Links – 7/25/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago White Sox, Land-o-Links, Major League Baseball, NBA Basketball, NFL Football, Politics, Random Thoughts, Sports4 Comments

About a week-and-a-half ago on a Saturday, a small fire occurred in the building next door to my company’s offices in the Loop. On the following Monday, every store and restaurant on the floor where the fire occurred, which includes Bank of America, Dunkin’ Donuts, Nestle Toll House Cookies, and Gateway Newsstands, was closed with the glaring exception of one right in the middle of it all: Starbucks. God forbid that the zombie-like addicts don’t get their caffeine crack during the Monday rush-hour. The point here is that whatever you think of Starbucks, they obviously have such a well-tuned disaster plan that they ought to be put in charge of running FEMA. Anyway, on to today’s links:

1) Welcome, All Chorizos! (Deadspin) – Usually, “South of the Border” to people from Wisconsin means FIBs.

2) 2008: The Case for Barack Obama (Washington Post) – If I were Barack, I’d be running for President right away. Out of the 5 Presidents that we’ve elected over the past 30 years, the only one that had any substantive national experience was George H.W. Bush. If anything, the more time that you spend in the U.S. Senate, the worse presidential candidate you become (see John Kerry, Al Gore, and Bob Dole).

3) White Sox Acquire MacDougal (South Side Sox) – For all of the Alfonso Soriano rumors, acquiring Mike MacDougal from the Royals to shore up a less-than-stellar bullpen was the move that the White Sox really needed to make before the trade deadline. Even South Side player-hater Minneapolis Red Sox approved of the move! Of course, it would help if we started winning again.

4) Chicago Bulls’ New ‘Bench Seat’ Runs $125,500 Per Season (Crain’s Chicago Business) – While this might sound expensive, the cost of this seat for an entire year is almost $60,000 less than what Ben Wallace will be making per game from the Bulls during the life of his new contract. From that standpoint, this is a steal, right?

5) Camp Starts Thursday (Da’ Bears Blog) – I don’t know about you, but Bears training camp, which opens up tomorrow, has completely snuck up on me.  This is noteworthy because I usually start counting down the days to the opening of training camp by around the Fourth of July, particularly when the Bears are coming off of a playoff run as they are this year.  However, with everything that has been going on with the Sox and Bulls over the summer plus an even worse than average season for the Cubs, we’re in a rare period where the Bears aren’t dominating the Chicago sports scene.  That being said, I’m starting to get the annual football itch.

And finally…

6) New Monopoly Version Uses Debit Card (Yahoo! News) – No word on whether we need to pay $1.50 for each time that we pass “Go”.

Chi-Town vs. Motown: Rivalries Across the Board

On By Frank the TankIn Big Ten, Chicago Blackhawks, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, College Basketball, College Football, Illinois Fighting Illini, Major League Baseball, NBA Basketball, NFL Football, NHL Hockey, Sports8 Comments

Dennis Rodman. Ben Wallace. John Salley. Magglio Ordonez. Al Simmons. Chris Chelios. Erik Kramer. Bobby Layne. All of these prominent sports figures from past and present have one thing in common: they have played for teams in both Chicago and Detroit during their careers. Chicago sports teams might have individual rivals from cities other than Detroit such as the Green Bay Packers and St. Louis Cardinals that are more pronounced. However, Chicago and Detroit are linked by having geographically defined and historic rivalries in every sport across the board whether it’s in the professional or college (when taking into account the Big Ten plus Notre Dame) ranks. Not even New York vs. Boston (they have the pro sports covered, but you couldn’t pay enough money to the average person on the street to watch Rutgers play Boston College in anything on the college front) or Los Angeles vs. San Francisco (L.A. doesn’t have an NFL team while the Bay Area only has a quasi-NBA franchise in the Warriors) have sets of sports rivalries that run as wide and deep as Chicago vs. Detroit. With the important series between the White Sox and Tigers (the Sox took game 1 last night after a marvelous performance by Jon Garland) occurring this week, here’s my ranking of the top Chicago vs. Detroit rivalries taking into account history and present fervor:

1) Bulls vs. Pistons – As I’ve stated before, the Bad Boy Pistons were the first team I ever had pure hatred for during my childhood. During the late-1980s and early-1990s, this was the most heated rivalry in all of sports with annual nationally televised Christmas Day matchups at the old Chicago Stadium and inevitable meetings in the NBA Playoffs, coming to a peak when the Pistons walked off of the court after being eliminated by the Bulls in 1991 without even acknowledging Michael Jordan and his team. The rivalry subsided when the Bulls, during their 1990s dynasty, eventually found new foils in the Knicks and Pacers and then the Pistons rose back to dominance after the start of the new millennium right when Chicago went into the cellar. However, with Ben Wallace defecting from a Motown fan base that loved him to go to Chicago out of all places (the basketball equivalent of Johnny Damon spurning the Red Sox for the Yankees), these two franchises are going to be rekindling that old hatred this season and beyond.

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2) Notre Dame vs. Michigan – Michigan fans will tell you that while Ohio State, without question, is their biggest rival, they save their harshest vitriol for the Irish. At the same time, even though Domers count USC as their most important game of the season, there’s a certain respect for the Trojans in contrast to the pure hatred for the Wolverines. Notre Dame and Michigan are the two winningest programs in college football history with fight songs that are beaten into everyone’s heads, whether or not they care one iota about these teams, from birth. When you add in the pompous fans on both sides, the only thing comparable to this game is watching the Yankees play themselves in an intrasquad game: you hope there’s a way that both teams can lose. Regardless of how much I might hate these teams, the college football season really doesn’t start until Notre Dame plays Michigan in September.

(Sidenote: I really wish I could put Illinois vs. Michigan on this list, but I’ve learned over time that the “rivalry” is completely one-sided with my Illini brethren. Now, the most emotionally scarring sports moment that I have ever witnessed at an event that I actually attended was the 2000 Illinois – Michigan football game, where the Illini had the game stolen by the Big Ten referees who, with less than four minutes left in the game with Illinois ahead, incorrectly called a fumble by Illinois’ Rocky Harvey when he was actually down and then seconds later inexplicably didn’t call a fumble on Michigan’s Anthony Thomas when he dropped the ball when his knees weren’t anywhere near close to the ground. Michigan would go on to score the winning touchdown on that drive. The errors were so egregious that the Big Ten issued an unprecedented apology to Illinois a couple of days later and spurred the conference to begin using instant replay. What happened in Champaign that Saturday evening wasn’t a case of heartbreak a la Illinois losing in the 2005 NCAA Championship Game. Instead, it was probably the only time I’ve ever felt completely violated after watching a sporting event. To say the least, my disdain for Michigan peaked at that point.

However, when I went to law school at DePaul, the two undergraduate schools that matriculated the most students there by a substantial margin were Illinois and Michigan. Everytime I spewed my anger toward the Maize and Blue, my Michigan alum classmates were sincerely and genuinely perplexed. They had absolutely no feelings toward playing us whatsoever. In fact, a number of them upon moving to Chicago even started cheering for Illinois when they weren’t playing Michigan. They simply didn’t think about us at all as any sort of rival – we might as well have been Northern Illinois. While learning about this apathy was initially even more enraging from a personal standpoint, it also made me realize that Illinois vs. Michigan was a fictional rivalry and we, as Illini fans, look pretty petty into making the matchup into something more than what it actually is. This is now so apparent across the Big Ten that the Michigan Daily even had an article a couple of years ago examining how much we hate them in contrast to their ambivalence toward us. From that point on, I decided that if I was going to hate a team that really wasn’t a true rival of the Illini, I’d redirect more of my sports rage toward someone outside of the Big Ten: Duke. Of course, that’s not to say that I won’t continue to drop “Muck Fichigan” lines at every opportunity.)

3) Bears vs. Lions – In 1934, the Detroit Lions began their tradition of playing on every Thanksgiving Day by matching up against the Chicago Bears. When examining longevity and frequency, only the Packers are bigger rivals to the Bears than the Lions. While in terms of sporting excellence this rivalry has seen better days, the Bears and Lions are, year-in and year-out regardless of records, the most important franchises in their respective cities. So, as we wait for Matt Millen to put together an offensive formation that features one quarterback and ten wide receivers, we can appreciate the history between these two NFL teams along with the passionate fan bases that they bring to the table.

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4) Blackhawks vs. Red Wings – As I mentioned a few weeks ago, this rivalry once would have been the clear and undisputed #1 on this list. However, this matchup is looking more like Illinois vs. Michigan as opposed to Bulls vs. Pistons with every inept team that the Blackhawks trot out on the ice. Still, there’s incredible history here, from their mutual status as Original Six franchises to the Bobby Hull vs. Gordie Howe boxing matches.

5) Illinois vs. Michigan State – A continually growing college basketball rivalry that is based more on excellence as opposed to bad blood. When looking at the Big Ten over the past decade, these two programs have perennially been at the top of the conference, which makes their annual matchups that much more important. For the record, if I had to pick the one head coach in college basketball other than Bruce Weber that I respect and admire over everyone else, it would definitely be the Spartans’ Tom Izzo.

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6) White Sox vs. Tigers – This season, these two teams are battling for supremacy in the American League. I’ve got to rank this rivalry at #6, however, because they have spent the last one hundred seasons as pretty lackluster franchises. It wasn’t very long ago that the Tigers were battling to avoid losing 120 games in a season, while the White Sox finally broke an 88-year World Series championship drought in 2005. If these two clubs can sustain some success over multiple seasons after this year, then we’ll have another true rivalry on our hands.

And finally…

7) Cubs vs. Tigers – This isn’t a real rivalry at all, but it serves me with an opportunity to remind my readers that are Cubs fans that your team (a) hasn’t won a World Series since 1908, when they defeated none other than the Detroit Tigers in five games and (b) hasn’t won a National League pennant since 1945, when they then lost to the Detroit Tigers in the World Series in the maximum seven games. The Circle of Life continues (as well as the Curse of the Billy Goat).

(Images from Pistons.com, Beckett.com, Beckett.com, FightingIllini.com)

Land-o-Links – 6/13/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Land-o-Links, NFL Football, Random Thoughts, Soccer, Sports1 Comment

A post on a sport that I never write about is on tap for tomorrow. Hint: it's not about soccer, which Minneapolis Red Sox has already eloquently addressed. By the way, I'm in search of new country to root for in the World Cup as the U.S. and Poland were inept in their opening games and won't make it to the final 16 unless they can pull off upsets against some superpowers. Also, I believe Las Vegas oddsmakers have put the over/under for the number of days after the World Cup ends that it takes for that guy from Paraguay who headed the ball into his own net this past weekend to "disappear" at negative 3. Anyway, here are today's links:

1) Multiple Injuries, Few Injuries for Roethlisberger (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) – WTF, Big Ben?! As my buddy B-Diddy mentioned, Ben Roethlisberger wore a helmet everyday to work, so why would he not wear one riding a motorcycle going 60-plus miles per hour? I was in a catatonic state for days after Jay Williams wrapped his motorcycle around a pole on the North Side of Chicago (throwing the Bulls back into a hole that they were just starting to come out of at that time), so I can only imagine how Steeler Nation is feeling right now after seeing this happen to their star quarterback that's coming off winning a Super Bowl in only his second season in the NFL.

It isn't too strange that Pennsylvania doesn't have a helmet law for motorcycle riders. What is wacky to me, though, is that it used to have a helmet law until 2003, when it was then repealed. So, enough Pennsylvania politicians were actually convinced that the law was such a bad idea that they had to get rid of it. The biker lobby must have joined forces with Charlton Heston and the NRA to get that type of result.

Let's just hope Big Ben comes out of this okay.

2) For Some, Online Persona Undermines a Resume (New York Times) – Word to the wise: remove any references as to how you "smoke blunts" off of your MySpace personal profiles. As one fellow Illinois grad found out (thanks for making us look like schmucks, dude), that's probably a bad idea when you're looking for a job.

3) Worst-Case CTA Scenarios (Chicago Tribune) – No mention of what to do if you're trapped on the El with Ronnie Woo Woo, which has happened to me on multiple occasions.

And finally… 

4) How To Brainwash Your Baby Early (Deadspin) – Do I think this is the latest sign of the apocalypse? Yes. However, do I also believe that there should be a statute enacted making it mandatory that every hospital in the State of Illinois provide an Illini version of this, whenever it is released, to go home with every baby? Absolutely.

Clueless Bears, Houston Has a Problem, and Other NFL Draft Thoughts

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago Bears, NFL Football, Sports4 Comments

I watched NFL Draft coverage from its start on Saturday morning until my eyes finally glazed over after the Bears' second pick in the second round about seven hours later. After all of that "work," here's my synopsis of the event:

1) WTF, Bears?! – If you read my NFL Draft preview on Friday, you know that I'm not surprised that the Bears traded out of the first round on Saturday. However, there's nothing quite like watching the NFL Draft for four hours in anticipation of your team making a pick, getting excited because the top-rated and fastest wide receiver in the draft in Chad Jackson is unexepctedly there for the taking at the #26 spot, seeing the Buffalo Bills all of the sudden go up on the clock signaling that the Bears traded their first round pick, and then having to go online to find out exactly what happened since that blowhard Chris Berman and his ESPN crew didn't bother to explain the details of the trade (instead, Boomer chose to yap about how Bryant Young's uniform was hanging behind Steve Young, who was doing a live remote from the 49ers lockeroom, where Boomer then spent ten minutes about how it looked like Steve had his own jersey ready for a comeback attempt and blah blah blah blah redrum redrum).

Even better is waiting until the second round and seeing Sinorice Moss, another speedy wide receiver, fall into the Bears' lap in the second round yet watching Chicago take Danieal Manning, a defensive back from Abilene Christian (I won't knock Division 1-AA schools as a general principle only because Jackson State blessed the world with Walter Payton, but let's just say I was confused here considering we just signed a cornerback in Ricky Manning Jr. The only way this could possibly work is if Manning can play safety in order to spot oft-injured Mike Brown). The Bears then used their next pick in the second round to grab Devin Hester, another cornerback, who really will be used as a kick returner. That's fine, but I question this move when Hester's Miami teammate Moss could have been grabbed earlier which would have shored up both our kick returning and wide receiver needs in one swoop. Add in the fact that we subsequently failed to draft a tight end and I've got to tell you that I'm not impressed with the Bears' draft.

2) Mario "Sam Bowie" Williams – It's not Mario Williams' fault that he was the first pick in this year's NFL Draft. I wouldn't expect him to tell the Texans that they made what could turn out to be the most boneheaded mistake in NFL history by picking him over Reggie Bush when he's being offered the richest rookie contract ever. I'm sure Mario Williams will become an upper-tier defensive player. However, unless Williams at the very least becomes the Reggie White of his generation, Houston's decision to pass on Bush is going to be the football equivalent of the Portland Trailblazers taking Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan. I don't know if I've ever seen more of a sure thing to hit it big at the pro level than Reggie Bush in my lifetime, so the Texans either have the cajones of a bull or are recklessly endangering their franchise. Early returns point to the latter.

3) Jets Fans Have Some Brains – I was fully expecting the largest cascade of boos in the history of the NFL Draft (and that's saying something) when it was apparent that the Jets were going to be taking an offensive lineman over Hollywood heartthrob quarterback Matt Leinart. The average Jets fan would boo his own son being picked if he didn't believe that the move fit into the team's schemes. However, I was thoroughly impressed to see the Jets faithful at Radio City Music Hall applaud the pick of D'Brickashaw Ferguson at #4. I've got to give the Jets fans credit – they knew that a flashy QB wasn't nearly as important to their team as getting some semblance of protection for the QBs that they already have. New Yorkers might be loud and insufferable, but they have a pretty high collective sports IQ.

4) Leinart Comes Tumbling Down – Speaking of Matt Leinart, after the Titans and Jets passed him up, pretty much everyone knew that he would be dropping to at least the #10 spot since all of the teams in between had more pressing needs than quarterback. This goes to show you that if you are coming off a national championship in any sport and are projected to the #1 pick in the draft right afterwards, you've got to turn pro immediately for your own sake. Leinart was a complete lock to be the #1 pick last year if he had come out then but has now given up millions of dollars and didn't even win another national championship in the process. Apparently, basketball counterpart Joakim Noah hasn't learned anything from the Leinart experience.

5) Packers Scary Again – The proverbial "grass is always greener" line applies here, as uber-Packer fan Minneapolis Red Sox has bemoaned the Green Bay draft. From my perspective as a Bears fan, the Packers are back on the radar because they now have a defense again (which is more important for 2006 than Brett Favre returning). The combination of signing Charles Woodson and then drafting A.J. Hawk is going to give Green Bay two legitimate playmakers on the defensive side of the ball. (By the way, was it just me or did half of Ohio State's starting lineup on both offense and defense get drafted this past weekend? A lot of people believe that the Buckeyes will be the #1 college team this fall, yet it looks like they're going to have to replace a ridiculous number of people. Troy Smith better continue improving at the same rapid pace as he did last season if they're going to come close to meeting those expectations. Otherwise, I'm shorting OSU this year.) I don't buy Minneapolis Red Sox's thought that A.J. Hawk is the reincarnation of Brian Bosworth – Hawk, rather than being an underachieving showboating pompous ass, is one of the hardest-working players you'll ever see. Sure, the Packers are still going to need to develop a pass rush at some point (and I'm not in a rush to see that happen), but this is a great start.

All in all, it was another fun NFL Draft. I just hope that I'm wrong about the Bears.

Springtime for Kiper on Broadway

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago Bears, NFL Football, SportsLeave a comment

The thermometer in Chicago has routinely been hitting seventy degrees lately, which means only one thing: it's Mel Kiper Jr. season! Saturday is going to involve me getting about 12 hours worth of His Hairness dropping knowledge on television. I've always been as interested in the business side of sports as the actual competition on the field – my dream is to be the GM of the Bears, White Sox, and Bulls concurrently. Nothing quite satisfies both parts of my sports fanaticism as the NFL Draft.

Let's compare the NFL Draft to its Major League Baseball and NBA counterparts. The MLB Draft, which really isn't a televised event, is analogous to venture capitalism. Part of the reason that there's low interest is that baseball teams take prospects that they hope to develop into big leaguers over a number of years, but they rarely come across a guy that will help the Major League team within a year, much less right away. What this also means, however, is that the aptitude of each team's management has a significant impact on success in baseball drafts – those that have superior research and scouting skills obtain a true advantage. On the other side of the spectrum is the NBA Draft, which is akin to teams acquiring booming companies that just had their IPO. Basketball players are pretty much all known quantities to everyone, so there's very little of a scouting advantage that individual teams can obtain in most cases (this will be even more true starting this year with the one-year-out-of-high-school entry requirement). The upshot, however, is that basketball players can have an immediate impact at the highest level.

What the NFL Draft does is combine what the best aspects of the MLB and NBA Drafts: the quality of the teams' front offices have a real impact on a draft's success since even the well-known skill position players need to be analyzed closely to see if they can fit into the pro game similar to the MLB, while players at every position can provide instant help to the teams that draft them like the NBA.

More importantly, the NFL Draft is, nine times out of ten, more entertaining than the Super Bowl immediately preceding it. The U.S. Navy should just set the atomic clock to the moment that the Lions use their first round pick on a wide receiver – it's becoming more of a tradition in Detroit than playing on Thanksgiving Day. There will be shots of the Cowboys' "war room" where the faces of Jerry Jones and Bill Parcells will be melting right before your very eyes. His Hairness will be talking about the unique pancaking ability of some left tackle in the middle of the seventh round with the authority of someone speaking about his own son. Giants and Jets fans will start to boo their own teams' picks before they are even announced by Paul Tagliabue. And finally, there will be live feeds of team fan parties from across the nation. In 2003, this produced one of the five funniest moments I've ever seen on television inside or outside of sports, where ESPN went to a shot of some guy in Viking horns double-fisting beers and swearing his ass off with the vigor of a Tourette's patient after Minnesota failed to get its pick to the commissioner in time and got skipped.  This was such an idiotic blunder, it practically guarantees Mike Tice a lifetime job with the New York Knicks this fall (different sports be damned – I'm convinced Tice and Isiah Thomas are soulmates).

Looking  at this year's draft. Mario Williams has been getting a ton of buzz over the past week as the possible #1 draft pick, but I can't imagine the Texans doing anything other than grabbing Reggie Bush and leaving everyone else in the dust. Bush is the rare athlete that I believe can live up to the massive hype of being a once-in-a-generation running back. I don't want to sound like John Madden, but the man is the definition of "breakaway speed."

As for the Bears, we've got the #26 pick in the first round. The Bears' needs are well-known to Chicago sports fans: outside linebacker, tight end, and a speedy wideout. For now, cornerback is off that list as long as newly signed Ricky Manning Jr. stays out of jail. I'll tell you what's disturbing about this story – what the hell is a guy doing eating at Denny's the day after signing a contract for $21 million!!! I enjoy a Denny's Grand Slam breakfast as much as anyone, but if I've got $21 million and wanted to go out to eat in Los Angeles, I'd at least get an In-N-Out Burger. There's been a decent amount of speculation of the Bears taking Miami wide receiver Sinorice Moss (brother of Santana, who I rode like Zorro to fantasy football success last year) in the first round. The only problem is that he would be spotting the Mayor of Munchkinland a couple inches in a man-to-man matchup.

Of course, the most likely scenario for the Bears is that they will trade down out of the first round. I don't know if there's a study out there regarding this issue, but I'm pretty sure that the Bears hold the all-time record for Most Times a Franchise Has Traded Down in Drafts in Any Sport. History says that when the Bears are in doubt, they trade down, regardless of who the general manager is at the time. I guess it's just as well, considering first round gems such as Curtis Enis, Cade McNown, and Rashaam Salaam (I don't know what's worse: that Packer fans can throw these names at us every year around draft-time or the graphic Fox puts up on the screen during every Bears-Packers game showing how the Bears have gone through 4,581 quarterbacks since Brett Favre began his career in Green Bay – this is starting to get to Billy Goat/Bambino/Black Sox Curse proportions).

So, enjoy the NFL Draft this weekend and let's hope that the Bears fill their needs, pick the best player on the board, get some guys with upside, and fulfill every other desirable draft cliche. His Hairness awaits.

Who Do You Root For? The Choice is Yours… or Not.

On By Frank the TankIn Big Ten, College Basketball, College Football, Major League Baseball, NBA Basketball, NFL Football, Sports6 Comments

If you've read "Now I Can Die in Peace" by Bill Simmons (ESPN.com's Sports Guy), he has a list of rules in the book's introduction on how and when you can be a fan of a sports team. Essentially, you need to cheer for the teams in the region that you grew up in (for college sports, you or your parents need to be alums or you grew up in a town or region where college sports dominated the scene) or the teams that your parents that transplanted from or went to school elsewhere raised you to root for unless your favorite team relocates to another city (or, as in the case of the Blackhawks, the team's owner destroys all will of the fan base completely). Dan Shanoff, also from ESPN.com, has some more flexible rules regarding how you can pick a team (such as "fan-in-law" status by marriage – I don't know if I buy that one). Finally, Minnesota Red Sox broached the subject of raising your child as a fan of a team other than your own in order to avoid constant heartbreak (great article, although Minnesota Red Sox must freely admit that he broke a number of the Sports Guy's rules, such as committing "sports bigamy" by being a diehard fan of both the Cubs and Red Sox along with having to answer questions from a higher power at the pearly gates in the future as to how he could ever, ever, ever cheer for the Packers after being raised in Chicago).

I tend to agree with the more restrictive tenets set forth by the Sports Guy. It's one thing to jump on the bandwagon of a great story, such as the Red Sox comeback in 2004 or George Mason this year, but a person should only be a true fan of one team for every sport. For me, it's the Fighting Illini, Bears, White Sox, and Bulls. There are other teams that I follow with a lot of interest, such as DePaul and the Cubs, but make no mistake about it – there will never, ever be an instance where my rooting interests aren't 100% clear if any of those two teams meet. I spent three years in law school at DePaul and want the Blue Demons to do well, but if Illinois ever plays them in basketball, every ounce of me will be cheering for the Illini.

What infuriates me are sports cherrypickers. For instance, I read a Steve Rosenbloom interview with Penny Marshall a few months ago where she expressed how she is a diehard fan of both the Yankees and the Lakers. Jack Nicholson and a host of other celebrities claim to have the same loyalties. This is why half of America believes that Hollywood doesn't have a soul. Certainly, it doesn't have a sports soul when its citizens pick the two most powerful franchises in sports to root for that, by the way, are located on opposite ends of the country. It's like rooting for both Hitler and Stalin. That's just sickening.

Almost as bad is our favorite Duke apologist Dick Vitale also being honored as an honorary alum of Notre Dame as well as being a season ticketholder for Irish football games. A Duke basketball/Notre Dame football fan – could you imagine anyone being more insufferable? At least Dicky V has somewhat of an excuse since he's sent his kids to Notre Dame. In his aforementioned column, Shanoff states that a parent that spends $40,000-plus per year sending a kid to a school gives that parent every right to cheer for that school. Considering that tuition for a year at Notre Dame could buy me White Sox season tickets for the next 40 years, I'll side with Shanoff on this one. Still, just the thought of a Duke/Notre Dame combo gives me the heebie-jeebies.

I'll grant that there are large sections of this country that might not have a natural rooting interest dictated by geography or people that went to schools that either don't have sports teams or don't care about sports. So, at first, I thought that those people could be entitled to a "team draft" of sorts, where they could pick teams to root for but couldn't get greedy. For instance, if I'm a person that lives in North Dakota, I could root for the Yankees, but since I picked such a dominant baseball, I would need to take, say, the Arizona Cardinals as my football team. That would ensure that evil combos such as the Yankee/Laker fan wouldn't become a nationwide epidemic.

As I started thinking about it more, however, it became clear to me that there are just certain teams that no one should ever cheer for unless there is some type of geographic/family/alumni connection. Here's my top ten list counting down in reverse order:

10) New York Knicks – Every year, teams vie for the ESPY Award for The Most Putrid Team That Sportscenter Pays Way Too Much Attention To. We've had a banner year in this category, with the top contenders being the Eagles ("T.O. is selfish, crazy, and wants to get paid? This calls for a breaking Sportscenter Update!"), Cubs ("Prior and Wood are both hurt at the same time? I haven't heard that one before!"), and Lakers ("From an unconfirmed source, Shaq reportedly said he saw Kobe and R. Kelly handing out room keys at the Brookwood Junior High graduation dance"). Unfortunately for all of these teams, the Knicks have captured this award for the 57th year in a row, which just happens to be how long the NBA and its New York franchise have been in existence.

9) Indiana Hoosiers – If you went to a different Big Ten college, you don't need any explanation. If you didn't go to a Big Ten college, all you need to know is that they're evil.

8) Michigan Wolverines – See #9 above.

7) San Francisco Giants – This doesn't have anything to do with the franchise itself, which has blessed baseball fans with Bobby Thompson's "Shot Heard 'Round the World" and Willie Mays. The Giants are here simply because of the "Despicable Athlete" exemption (other qualifiers from the past and present: any team with Terrell Owens or Bill Laimbeer), although Bay Area fans seriously need to get some perspective. I know all about blindly cheering for your team, but c'mon, folks, this is beyond being in denial.

6) Dallas Cowboys – Honestly, I really don't care about T.O. that much – he just seems to be a common thread on this list so far. With or without T.O., however, the Cowboys would be high on this list one way or another as a carryover from their high-minded attitude during their dominance in the 1990s. Now, with T.O. plus Bill Parcells, the Cowboys might become the foremost challenger the Knicks have ever had to that ESPY Award described in #10 above (as long as Isiah Thomas is at the helm, though, put your money on the Knicks).

5) USC Trojans – If you skimmed the top 1% of the Laker fan base in terms of income and snobbiness, you'd be left with USC supporters. In addition, have I told you how much I hate their fight song? For some reason, the average person on the street believes that the USC Trojan Marching Band is an elite group since they appeared on some televised Fleetwood Mac concert a few years ago. Rest assured, I heard them play that goddamned fight song live for four hours straight at the first college football game I ever went to in Champaign – they royally suck. Of course, I'll be the first to admit that it would have been a ridiculous amount of fun to go to school there.

4) Notre Dame Fighting Irish – To me, just because you're Irish Catholic doesn't mean that you've got to worship the Golden Dome (which seems to be common refrain here in Chicago). Now, I'll grant Irish fans that going to a game is quite an experience for any sports fan. It's a beautiful campus and seeing Touchdown Jesus on gameday is spectacular. In general, however, if you took away the nice weather, attractive women, and recent national success from their rivals at USC but raised the pompous arrogance up a notch commiserate with having a contract with N(D)BC, you'd end up with Notre Dame.

3) Los Angeles Lakers – All of the other teams on this list do have one admirable thing in common: they've got rabid fans that would die for their teams (even if they are annoyingly insufferable). Lakers fans, however, are without question has the biggest bandwagon jumping fan base of any franchise in sports. The beautiful celebrities show up for games in droves when the Lakers are winning and flee for better clubbing atmospheres when they're losing. The Lakers would be #1 on this list if their fans weren't so pathetic.

2) New York Yankees – In the Sports Guy's book, he noted that one his favorite emails of all-time from a reader stated the following: "Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for the house in blackjack." Absolutely perfect.

1) Duke Blue Devils – A combination of all of the worst traits of the aforementioned rest of the top 4: the Borg-like perfection/conformity of the Yankees, the loudmouthed and spoiled fan base of Notre Dame, and the bandwagon backers of the Lakers. Coach K doesn't consider himself a basketball coach that happens to be a leader; Coach K considers himself a leader that happens to coach the team that no one anywhere should ever cheer for (unless they fall into one of the exceptions and even those people are suspect) if they have a sports soul.

NCAA Tournament Picks and Land-o-Links – 3/23/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Big Ten, Chicago Bears, College Basketball, Land-o-Links, NFL Football, Random Thoughts, SportsLeave a comment

My quick picks for tonight’s NCAA Tournament games are all chalk: Memphis over Bradley (although I’m proud of the Braves, the Tigers have too much firepower), Duke over LSU (probably will be a really close game), Texas over West Virginia (no longer will “Pittsnogle” be used as a verb in basketball), UCLA over Gonzaga (I will continue to pick Gonzaga to lose and call them overrated until the basketball gods rightfully bounce such an atrocious defensive team – they are the college version of the Dallas Mavericks).

Now, on to today’s links:

1) 2007 TV Rights Are On Big Ten’s Mind – Could Fox pay the Big Ten enough money to get the conference to abandon ESPN? I don’t care what the price is – leaving ESPN for more money would be fool’s gold for the Big Ten. The fact that no one outside of the Pacific time zone sees Pac-10 games has less to do with geography and more because none of their games are on ESPN. Plenty of hoops junkies have seen West Coast-based mid-major conferences such as the Mountain West, WCC, and Big West as a result of ESPN’s Big Monday. According to Teddy Greenstein, it looks like the Big Ten is going to do the right thing in the end and stay put.

2) Soap and the Campus: A Web-Site Spoof Succeeds – Have you ever met someone who went to Boston College? The old joke about them rings true: they think they’re Harvard in academics and Notre Dame in football. That’s a lot of bluster from a school that’s tied with our fair University of Illinois in the latest U.S. News rankings.

3) First Stadiums, Now Teams Take a Corporate Identity – If the MLS expands to Milwaukee, you know that the team must be called Milwaukee’s Best. There’s no other choice.

4) Chicago Parking Map – For those of you who can’t find a free parking space on the street and are willing to just give up and pay up, this should be a useful tool.

5) Signing New QB Should Have Been a Brees – I know that (a) Brian Griese isn’t exactly an addition to the Bears that makes my heart flutter and (b) complaining that Jay Mariotti is nuts is sort of like complaining that Chicago has corrupt politicians – it sucks but it’s never going to change. Still, what exactly were people expecting out of the Bears? It was a reasonable demand for the Bears to go out and get a solid backup quarterback, which is what they did in this situation by signing Griese. The Bears had as much of a chance of nabbing Drew Brees or Daunte Culpepper as the White Sox and Cubs had of trading for A-Rod a couple of years ago. Maybe I’m so happy to see that the Bears were proactive on the QB front for once that it’s coloring my thought process, but my gut reaction is that Mariotti needs to stop whining.

Not So Super Sports Weekend

On By Frank the TankIn Big Ten, College Basketball, NFL Football, SportsLeave a comment

A few quick items today on a subpar Super Bowl weekend:

1) The Good – I won my office squares pool since I drew Steelers 1, Seahawks 0.  The “code black” episode of “Gray’s Anatomy” was also excellent (although cliff-hangers drive me nuts).

2) The Bad – The Super Bowl itself.  Neither Pittsburgh nor Seattle seemed to play anywhere near their peaks during the game (in contrast to the conference championship games).  The game didn’t come down to the wire and, aside from a handful of gems like the FedEx caveman and the Budweiser streaking sheep, the commercials weren’t great overall.  Not only that, my prediction of a Seahawks upset was completely off (although everything that I put on Seattle was at least balanced out by my squares victory).

3) The Ugly – The least of my worries going into the weekend was how Illinois would play against Penn State.  Boy, that proved to be wrong.  Blowing a 16-point lead at home to one of the Big Ten’s worst teams was one thing.  Having what was thought to be a game-winning 3-pointer by Richard McBride at the buzzer be called off by the refs (no gripe here – the replay clearly showed that it was the correct call) was devastating.  As Gregg Doyel noted today, this loss pretty much puts us out of the running for a #1 seed in the NCAA Tournament.  We can still grab a share of the Big Ten title (and I think we will), but a third straight undisputed conference title is unlikely.  Also, since we don’t play again until next Sunday, we have the whole week with this bad taste in our mouths.  It was just a bad loss at a really bad time.  I hope the Bruce Weber and the Illini respond to this in a positive way so that we can be prepared for March.