Some Perspective on Life and Land-o-Links for 12/13/2006

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I apologize for the dearth of posts over the last few days. It’s been a little crazy around here because (a) a horrible tragedy occurred in my office building this past Friday and (b) the small IT consulting firm that I work for as an attorney just got bought out by a monster computer company. As a result, a lot things around me have been put into perspective rather quickly. Regardless, a special post is coming on Friday to mark an important milestone for Frank the Tank’s Slant. Until then, here are some links:

(1) Is The Zooker Setting Himself Up For Failure? (Bored At Life) – This is the opposite of the soft bigotry of low expectations for Ron Zook.

(2) Our Interview With John Rocker (Deadspin) – Will Leitch’s fascinating interview with someone who still manages to be one of the world’s most prominent jackasses.

(3) Knievel Sues Kanye Over ‘Touch the Sky’ Video (Billboard) (from Minneapolis Red Sox) – Evel Knievel doesn’t like black people.

(4) Devin Hester Will Soon Have a Restraining Order Against Us (Foul Balls) – Alright, so I’ve gone from wondering what Jerry Angelo was thinking during the NFL Draft in drafting Hester to having an all-out man crush on the guy at this point.

(5) Flying Mammal Found From 125 Million Years Ago (New York Times) – Before there were pigeons, there were literally rats with wings.

(6) ‘Girls Gone Wild’ Producer Sentenced (Chicago Tribune) – Hooked by the jail bait!

(7) Don’t Question The Answer (Bill Simmons) – I agree with the Sports Guy’s general sentiment that Allen Iverson has gotten a relatively negative rap over the years, particularly about the overblow “Practice?!” comments. On the court, A.I. is as tough of a warrior as anyone even though he’s often the smallest guy on the floor. Should the Bulls enter the derby for The Answer? Despite the points from Chicagoist arguing against such a scenario, putting Iverson in with Ben Wallace and Kirk Hinrich would probably make the Bulls the unequivocal favorites out of the Eastern Conference immediately (plus the window for the team to take it to the proverbial next level with Wallace is looking shorter and shorter everyday). Therefore, if the Bulls would be able to swing a deal with Philly, I would be all for it.

And finally…

(8) The KSK Guide To Making The Yuletide Even Gayer (Kissing Suzy Kolber) – A nice little primer to the holiday season.

(Image from The Fader)

No More Time to Make the Doughnuts and Land-o-Links for 12/6/2006

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New Yorkers better grab those Krispy Kremes quickly, as you’ll see when you take a look at today’s links:

(1) New York Bans Most Trans Fats in Restaurants (New York Times) – Horrifically, Chicago also has plans to ban all food that tastes good.

(2) Rex Grossman – Freakin’ Exhausting (Ron Karkovice Fan Club) – The following is my personal letter to Rex posted on my fantasy football league message board as I released him for (gulp) Jeff Garcia:

“Dear Rex,

You have broken me. I can’t take it anymore. Not only do you make me rack my brain while watching the Bears, my favorite team, but you’ve also tanked my fantasy team when I needed you most in the wake of Donovan McNabb’s season-ending injury. One can only take such a double emotional beating on a weekly basis. Therefore, I have to painfully say goodbye.”

(3) Fight Was Right, Even If The Result Wasn’t (Mark Tupper Weblog) – The undermanned Illini didn’t look too bad against my sleeper national championship pick of Arizona on Saturday, but there’s still a whole lot of work to do. After a relatively tough week, Illinois gets to come back to the Assembly Hall to play against one of the great pronounciations of an acronym in IUPUI.

(4) Sox’s Talks Center on Rays’ Baldelli (Chicago Tribune) – One thing for White Sox GM Kenny Williams to think about: Rocco Baldelli invariably breaks a limb within three weeks of every Opening Day. He’s the Italian baseball version of Grant Hill.

(5) On Notice: Fiasco Edition (mgoblog) – Pure Michigan anger (and it’s all justifiable).

(6) Perhaps She Has Chosen The Wrong Extracurricular Activity (Deadspin) – Well, Michigan will have at least one person cheering for them at the Rose Bowl. USC cheerleaders, bless their hearts, are so accomodating.

(7) The Perfect Storm (Siberian Baseball) – LaTroy Hawkins in Coors Field. Mull that thought over for a moment.

(8) Wham, Bam, Thank You, Sam (Chicago Sun-Times) – Sammy Mejia and my law school alma mater of DePaul proudly defended the honor of my undergraduate alma mater on Saturday by beating up Bill Self in his first return to the state of Illinois since leaving the Illini twisting in the wind.

(9) Great Games Make It Harder To Blog Since There’s Nothing To Bitch About (Blog-a-Bull) – Have the Bulls finally turned a corner in the wake of the Ben Wallace headband madness?

And finally…

(10) Rock Group Nice Peter Explains Song ’50 Cent is a Pussy’ (AllHipHop.com) – Over/under on the number of days before the members of Nice Peter are found buried underneath the Meadowlands: 2.

Frank the Tank’s Classic Music Video of the Week: Here I Go Again – Whitesnake

Back in the day, a model dancing around on the hoods of two Jaguars made perfect sense as the focus of a music video.

(This and a ton of other clips are on the Frank the Tank Channel on YouTube.)

Frank the Tank’s Classic Music Video of the Week: Warm It Up – Kriss Kross

Although most people remember “Jump” as the preeminent Kriss Kross tune, the “Warm It Up” video is significant on a few levels. First, this particular video was the genesis of the fad of kids wearing their clothes backwards. This trend became so pervasive when I was in junior high that the school district actually had to enact a written policy to ban people from wearing their clothes backwards, which is bona fide proof that I grew up in the ‘hood. However, I’ll have to admit that my old Blackhawks Starter jacket looked pretty bad-ass turned around.

This leads into my second point, which is that this video encapsulates how important it was during those first couple of years of the 1990s to have the right Starter jackets and jerseys. (For more insight on this, Peter Schrager of Fox Sports wrote an fantastic post a couple of months ago on Deadspin regarding his purchase of a New York Giants Starter jacket as a youngster.) The type of Starter wear that you had directly correlated with your social status in school. It would have been simple enough if everyone could just buy a Bulls or Raiders Starter jacket (the coolest teams to have at the time), but at least at Brookwood Junior High School, having the same Starter jacket as someone else was a fashion faux paus on the same level as two girls wearing the exact same dress to prom. My Blackhawks Starter jacket ended up being a solid choice since it represented a hometown team that wasn’t overexposed (or, in today’s case, not exposed at all) while having same color scheme as the Bulls. Plus, the logo supposedly gave me street cred since, as I was informed after my purchase, the markings on the Native American’s forehead look like the Folks gang sign (there really ought to be warning labels for these types of things for ignorant half-Asian/half-white guys such as myself).

Finally, as anyone that remembers this video understands, this was also the first time much of America’s youth was exposed to Chief Illiniwek. The Illini need more recruiting tools like this one.

(This and a ton of other clips are on the Frank the Tank Channel on YouTube.)

Frank the Tank’s Classic Music Video of the Week: Mo Money Mo Problems – Notorious B.I.G. feat. the Artist Formerly Known as Puff Daddy and Mase

It’s weird to think of “Mo Money Mo Problems” as a “classic” music video, yet it has already been over 9 years since the single hit the charts. In my opinion, this was one of the last great videos before MTV went completely toward the reality show realm (which hasn’t necessarily been a negative development for me – I could watch “Next”, “Parental Control”, and “Date My Mom” on a continuous loop), with Biggie Smalls’ posthumous appearance and the introduction of the Shiny Pants Era of Hip-Hop. Plus, there’s a time capsule-esque quality with the references to the Tiger Woods-Fuzzy Zoeller dispute that was fresh on everyone’s minds at the time. So long fried rice, hello fried chicken!

(This and a ton of other clips are on the Frank the Tank Channel on YouTube.)

WTF Rex???!!! and Land-o-Links for 11/6/2006

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There are times when superior football teams play down to their opponents’ levels, such as Ohio State letting Illinois hang around on Saturday. The Bears performance yesterday against the Dolphins, however, qualified as an unmitigated disaster where we just got pummeled. (Kudos to TK for predicting both the Illini thriller and a Bears letdown on Friday. You can see in the comment section that I was a doubter at the time, but now I’m in awe of his Karnak-like prognasticative abilities.) Rex Grossman is showing that he’s either throwing for a 130 QB rating or a 30 with nothing in between. The Bears offensive line was shredded by Jason Taylor and company, which just shouldn’t happen when a five-time Pro Bowler is your anchor at center. Devin Hester, for all of his electricity on kickoff and punt returns, continues to have a nasty habit of starting to run before the ball is in his hands. The vaunted Bears defense looked hapless against Ronnie Brown and Joey Freaking Harrington out of all people. I just didn’t understand what was happening.

Not only that, long bomb threat Bernard Berrian is going to be out for 2 to 4 weeks with a rib injury, which means that the Bears’ vertical passing game might end up looking like what we had yesterday for the next month – as in non-existant. Even potentially worse, Brian Urlacher is going in for an MRI today after getting his foot rolled up near the end of Sunday’s game, so who knows what we’re going to do if he’s out for an extended period of time when Mike Brown is already on the shelf. It’s hard to say that the Bears are going to tank when they still have a 7-1 record (as Mike Downey seems to believe), but getting demolished by a straight-up piece of shit Dolphins team at Soldier Field just before two straight games at Jimmy Hoffa’s final resting place against the Giants and Jets and then another road game at Foxboro versus the continuously dangerous Patriots isn’t the way to inspire confidence with your hyper-analytic fan base.

At the end of the day, Rex needs to figure out at some point that if he’s feeling that his timing is off, he needs to simmer down and not chuck the ball thirty yards downfield into the hands of the opposing defense. I don’t agree with Rick Morrissey’s sentiment today in the Chicago Tribune that Rex should have been yanked for Brian Griese when it was evident that the younger quarterback was going to struggle all day (similar rumblings were made at a lower level in the wake of the Arizona “They Were Who We Thought They Were” game but subsided when the Bears put up 41 points in the first half against San Francisco last week). Switching out the starting QB is not the same as taking out your starting pitcher for a reliever in baseball – the ramifications from a QB change have a much greater long-term impact than just one game. If you live or have lived in Chicago, you know that the coverage of the Bears during the week can be all-consuming when they are in last place, much less contending for a berth in the Super Bowl, so a potential QB controversy ought to be the last thing anyone wants here. The Bears, so far, have won a lot more than they have lost with Rex and his gunner’s mentality at the helm, so it would be foolish to jump off the badnwagon so quickly. That being said, until Grossman can calm down on those days when everything’s not there for him, the Bears are going to be at a severe risk of losing more games to inferior teams.

Enough of the Bears rant… here are today’s links:

1) Illini Give Gritty Effort vs. Ohio State (Mark Tupper Weblog) – As mentioned before, one of my football teams gave a great effort in a losing cause this past weekend, but it wasn’t the Bears. (Okay, I’ll seriously stop with the Bears rant.)

2) Top 50 Basketball Player Finds DePaul (Chicago Tribune) – In other news, one of my alma maters is going to sign great college basketball recruiting class this week, but it won’t be Illinois. (The Eric Gordon-to-Indiana rant, however, will continue for the foreseeable future. If you thought T.O. returning to Philly was ugly, just wait until the Hoosiers visit Champaign on January 23rd.)

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3) Kenny G Blows Away All Musical Golfers (Yahoo! News) – I enjoyed Alice Cooper’s comment that golf is “The Crack of Sports”.

4) When Being a Fake Rock Star Is Better Than the Reality (Wall Street Journal) – Speaking of musicians, real rock stars seem to love Guitar Hero.

5) Einstein, Hawking… Manning? (Minneapolis Red Sox) – I agree with Minneapolis Red Sox here – there’s no real reason why I should dislike Peyton Manning and Colts, yet they always seem to rub me the wrong way. Maybe it’s because I grew up on smash-mouth Bears and Big Ten football and cannot stand it when the national media slobs the knob of sexy offensive teams that can’t play a lick of defense. As a result, I get a perverse joy out of watching those types of teams get demolished in the playoffs.

6) I Am a Fairy (Chronically Insane) – Parental advice on how to tell your kids that everything that they’ve known and loved has been a sham.

7) Assessing Bob Barker (Slate) – The price is wrong, bitch!

And finally…

8) ‘Wedgie’ Gets Principal 6-Day Suspension (San Francisco Chronicle) – The principal was sent to the principal’s office!

As the late Richard J. Daley would say, vote early and vote often tomorrow.

(Images from Chicago Tribune and Rolling Stone)

Frank the Tank’s Classic Music Video of the Week: Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leppard

Here’s your chance to experience Def Leppard live in action. My belated Bulls and NBA season preview is on tap for tomorrow.

(This and a ton of other clips are on the Frank the Tank Channel on YouTube.)

Frank the Tank’s Classic Music Video of the Week: I Wish – Skee Lo

In commemoration of my high school class reunion, here’s an underrated song from my graduation year of 1996. I’m sure Skee Lo reflects a lot of the insecurities that we went through during that time in our lives.

(This and a ton of other clips are on the Frank the Tank Channel on YouTube.)

Frank the Tank’s Classic Music Video of the Week: Sweet Child O’ Mine – Guns N’ Roses

This week’s classic music video was spurred on by a couple of things. First, Slash has been plastered over the airwaves lately in his new Volkswagen commercial. (I always love how car companies believe that you can be enticed to plunk down $30,000 or more for a car by throwing in a guitar or iPod that you can buy for a couple of hundred bucks on your own.) Second, I received an email ad this past week for the new Guns N’ Roses (which at this point consists of Axl Rose and a bunch of former roadies) Chinese Democracy concert tour. Receiving an email ad about a concert tour certainly isn’t in and of itself unusual, but the fact that it came from the Major League Baseball mailing list definitely threw me for a loop. After investigating this, it turns out that Guns N’ Roses has entered into a strategic partnership with Major League Baseball Advanced Media. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised that Bud Selig has agreed to determine which league gets home field advantage for the World Series based upon the city where Axl gets arrested next. Regardless, no matter how far the mighty have fallen, this song still rules.

(This and a ton of other clips are on the Frank the Tank Channel on YouTube.)

Frank the Tank’s Classic Music Video of the Week: Same Song – Digital Underground

Everyone remembers “The Humpty Dance” by Digital Underground (it was on my wedding song list), but the group’s other mainstream hit “Same Song” hasn’t enjoyed the same staying power. This is a shame because while nothing will ever compare to “The Humpty Dance”, “Same Song” has the distinction of being the only music video in history to feature Humpty, a cameo by Dan Aykroyd playing bagpipes, movie clips of Demi Moore, Chevy Chase, and John Candy, the presentation of a multitude of ethnic and religious stereotypes, and, of all things, the rap debut of Tupac Shakur. Can you believe that it’s been ten years since Tupac died – that is, if you believe that he’s dead?

(This and a ton of other clips are on the Frank the Tank Channel on YouTube.)