Author: Frank the Tank

Land-o-Links – 4/13/2006

On By Frank the TankIn Land-o-Links, Random Thoughts2 Comments

It’s been awhile since I posted some links, so here you go:

1) NASCAR Fans Trade the R.V. for a Condo – An alternate universe where Wrigley Field is a NASCAR track and Wrigleyville rooftops are filled with rednecks rather than yuppies.

2) ‘West Wing’ Writers’ Novel Way of Picking the President – Arnold Vinick (the Republican presidential candidate played by Alan Alda) was originally supposed to win… or so they claim.

3) Suit Filed in SICA Breakup – Ugly high school conference breakup on the South Side that involves my alma mater Homewood-Flossmoor as one of the defendants in a lawsuit. It’s a veritable kitchen sink of socioeconomic and racial issues.

4) Michael Jackson Bailout Said to Be Close – Who’s going to get Michael Jackson out of a hole greater than the GNP of Canada? The Beatles, of course.

Speaking of debts…

5) Online Gambling Bets Go Against Bucky Covington – America finally gave peace a chance by voting Bucky off of American Idol last night, which means exasperated gamblers were able to prevail for once after weeks upon weeks of losing their shirts. The improbable Bucky run is one of those pillar moments in gambling history where the house just destroyed anyone who wagered with any common sense – it’s got to be up there with betting on Michigan State starting a 2006 Final Four run by covering the spread against George Mason or taking the over, with the over/under being 1, for the number of weeks that the John Stamos show that ABC spent eighteen straight months promoting would last on the air. This is why all of those Las Vegas casinos are so pretty.

Who Do You Root For? The Choice is Yours… or Not.

On By Frank the TankIn Big Ten, College Basketball, College Football, Major League Baseball, NBA Basketball, NFL Football, Sports6 Comments

If you've read "Now I Can Die in Peace" by Bill Simmons (ESPN.com's Sports Guy), he has a list of rules in the book's introduction on how and when you can be a fan of a sports team. Essentially, you need to cheer for the teams in the region that you grew up in (for college sports, you or your parents need to be alums or you grew up in a town or region where college sports dominated the scene) or the teams that your parents that transplanted from or went to school elsewhere raised you to root for unless your favorite team relocates to another city (or, as in the case of the Blackhawks, the team's owner destroys all will of the fan base completely). Dan Shanoff, also from ESPN.com, has some more flexible rules regarding how you can pick a team (such as "fan-in-law" status by marriage – I don't know if I buy that one). Finally, Minnesota Red Sox broached the subject of raising your child as a fan of a team other than your own in order to avoid constant heartbreak (great article, although Minnesota Red Sox must freely admit that he broke a number of the Sports Guy's rules, such as committing "sports bigamy" by being a diehard fan of both the Cubs and Red Sox along with having to answer questions from a higher power at the pearly gates in the future as to how he could ever, ever, ever cheer for the Packers after being raised in Chicago).

I tend to agree with the more restrictive tenets set forth by the Sports Guy. It's one thing to jump on the bandwagon of a great story, such as the Red Sox comeback in 2004 or George Mason this year, but a person should only be a true fan of one team for every sport. For me, it's the Fighting Illini, Bears, White Sox, and Bulls. There are other teams that I follow with a lot of interest, such as DePaul and the Cubs, but make no mistake about it – there will never, ever be an instance where my rooting interests aren't 100% clear if any of those two teams meet. I spent three years in law school at DePaul and want the Blue Demons to do well, but if Illinois ever plays them in basketball, every ounce of me will be cheering for the Illini.

What infuriates me are sports cherrypickers. For instance, I read a Steve Rosenbloom interview with Penny Marshall a few months ago where she expressed how she is a diehard fan of both the Yankees and the Lakers. Jack Nicholson and a host of other celebrities claim to have the same loyalties. This is why half of America believes that Hollywood doesn't have a soul. Certainly, it doesn't have a sports soul when its citizens pick the two most powerful franchises in sports to root for that, by the way, are located on opposite ends of the country. It's like rooting for both Hitler and Stalin. That's just sickening.

Almost as bad is our favorite Duke apologist Dick Vitale also being honored as an honorary alum of Notre Dame as well as being a season ticketholder for Irish football games. A Duke basketball/Notre Dame football fan – could you imagine anyone being more insufferable? At least Dicky V has somewhat of an excuse since he's sent his kids to Notre Dame. In his aforementioned column, Shanoff states that a parent that spends $40,000-plus per year sending a kid to a school gives that parent every right to cheer for that school. Considering that tuition for a year at Notre Dame could buy me White Sox season tickets for the next 40 years, I'll side with Shanoff on this one. Still, just the thought of a Duke/Notre Dame combo gives me the heebie-jeebies.

I'll grant that there are large sections of this country that might not have a natural rooting interest dictated by geography or people that went to schools that either don't have sports teams or don't care about sports. So, at first, I thought that those people could be entitled to a "team draft" of sorts, where they could pick teams to root for but couldn't get greedy. For instance, if I'm a person that lives in North Dakota, I could root for the Yankees, but since I picked such a dominant baseball, I would need to take, say, the Arizona Cardinals as my football team. That would ensure that evil combos such as the Yankee/Laker fan wouldn't become a nationwide epidemic.

As I started thinking about it more, however, it became clear to me that there are just certain teams that no one should ever cheer for unless there is some type of geographic/family/alumni connection. Here's my top ten list counting down in reverse order:

10) New York Knicks – Every year, teams vie for the ESPY Award for The Most Putrid Team That Sportscenter Pays Way Too Much Attention To. We've had a banner year in this category, with the top contenders being the Eagles ("T.O. is selfish, crazy, and wants to get paid? This calls for a breaking Sportscenter Update!"), Cubs ("Prior and Wood are both hurt at the same time? I haven't heard that one before!"), and Lakers ("From an unconfirmed source, Shaq reportedly said he saw Kobe and R. Kelly handing out room keys at the Brookwood Junior High graduation dance"). Unfortunately for all of these teams, the Knicks have captured this award for the 57th year in a row, which just happens to be how long the NBA and its New York franchise have been in existence.

9) Indiana Hoosiers – If you went to a different Big Ten college, you don't need any explanation. If you didn't go to a Big Ten college, all you need to know is that they're evil.

8) Michigan Wolverines – See #9 above.

7) San Francisco Giants – This doesn't have anything to do with the franchise itself, which has blessed baseball fans with Bobby Thompson's "Shot Heard 'Round the World" and Willie Mays. The Giants are here simply because of the "Despicable Athlete" exemption (other qualifiers from the past and present: any team with Terrell Owens or Bill Laimbeer), although Bay Area fans seriously need to get some perspective. I know all about blindly cheering for your team, but c'mon, folks, this is beyond being in denial.

6) Dallas Cowboys – Honestly, I really don't care about T.O. that much – he just seems to be a common thread on this list so far. With or without T.O., however, the Cowboys would be high on this list one way or another as a carryover from their high-minded attitude during their dominance in the 1990s. Now, with T.O. plus Bill Parcells, the Cowboys might become the foremost challenger the Knicks have ever had to that ESPY Award described in #10 above (as long as Isiah Thomas is at the helm, though, put your money on the Knicks).

5) USC Trojans – If you skimmed the top 1% of the Laker fan base in terms of income and snobbiness, you'd be left with USC supporters. In addition, have I told you how much I hate their fight song? For some reason, the average person on the street believes that the USC Trojan Marching Band is an elite group since they appeared on some televised Fleetwood Mac concert a few years ago. Rest assured, I heard them play that goddamned fight song live for four hours straight at the first college football game I ever went to in Champaign – they royally suck. Of course, I'll be the first to admit that it would have been a ridiculous amount of fun to go to school there.

4) Notre Dame Fighting Irish – To me, just because you're Irish Catholic doesn't mean that you've got to worship the Golden Dome (which seems to be common refrain here in Chicago). Now, I'll grant Irish fans that going to a game is quite an experience for any sports fan. It's a beautiful campus and seeing Touchdown Jesus on gameday is spectacular. In general, however, if you took away the nice weather, attractive women, and recent national success from their rivals at USC but raised the pompous arrogance up a notch commiserate with having a contract with N(D)BC, you'd end up with Notre Dame.

3) Los Angeles Lakers – All of the other teams on this list do have one admirable thing in common: they've got rabid fans that would die for their teams (even if they are annoyingly insufferable). Lakers fans, however, are without question has the biggest bandwagon jumping fan base of any franchise in sports. The beautiful celebrities show up for games in droves when the Lakers are winning and flee for better clubbing atmospheres when they're losing. The Lakers would be #1 on this list if their fans weren't so pathetic.

2) New York Yankees – In the Sports Guy's book, he noted that one his favorite emails of all-time from a reader stated the following: "Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for the house in blackjack." Absolutely perfect.

1) Duke Blue Devils – A combination of all of the worst traits of the aforementioned rest of the top 4: the Borg-like perfection/conformity of the Yankees, the loudmouthed and spoiled fan base of Notre Dame, and the bandwagon backers of the Lakers. Coach K doesn't consider himself a basketball coach that happens to be a leader; Coach K considers himself a leader that happens to coach the team that no one anywhere should ever cheer for (unless they fall into one of the exceptions and even those people are suspect) if they have a sports soul.

A Tradition Unlike Any Other: Frank the Tank’s Random Weekend Thoughts

On By Frank the TankIn Big Ten, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Golf, Illinois Fighting Illini, Major League Baseball, NBA Basketball, Random Thoughts, Sports2 Comments

Random sports thoughts from the weekend:

1) Lefty Again – I was perplexed for a moment when I thought I saw Hootie Johnson, Jim Nantz, and Tiger Woods present the Green Jacket to Bartolo Colon in the Butler Cabin, but then I realized it was just Phil Mickelson. Seriously though, it was amazing to see Mickelson, who two years ago was golf's version of the Chicago Cubs, turn in such a dominating performance yesterday with a leaderboard filled with Tiger, Vijay Singh, Fred Couples, Retief Goosen, and Jose Maria Olazabel (one of the most underrated athletes in any sport) right behind him. The two best things about the Masters: (1) only 4 commercial breaks per hour with a limit of 2 commercials during each break and (2) when CBS jumps to "bonus coverage" of another hole, there isn't a shot of a coach taking a timeout to immediately go into another commercial break. As a result, I watched about 12 hours of golf this past weekend and the answer to your question is yes, I have no life.

2) Badgers and the Frozen Four – After watching Wisconsin beat Boston College in the Frozen Four to win the national championship in front of a virtual home crowd in Milwaukee, I believe that it's time for Illinois to make the leap to NCAA Division I hockey. One of these days, I'll write a long-winded and detailed rant on "How Bill Wirtz Fucked Up with Frank the Tank" explaining why I'm not an NHL fan and how the Blackhawks are dead to me, but when I was in college, going to Illini club hockey games was one of one of my favorite things to do on campus. Even though Illinois just had a club-level team, all of the games were packed with fans. Considering how popular the hockey teams are at the other Big Ten schools that have Division I programs, that hockey is typically the only sport other than football and men's basketball that consistently turns a profit for athletic departments, and the Assembly Hall can be turned into a rink for games, this seems to be a no-brainer for Illinois (although it seems that the rest of college hockey is petrified of the Big Ten forming its own hockey conference).

3) WTF, Bulls?! – The Bulls suffocated the Sixers last week in Philadelphia and the Sixers were reeling from losing another game on Friday night, so it would seem that the Bulls were destined to take a 2-game lead over Philly for the last Eastern Conference playoff spot on Saturday night in the rubber match in the comforts of the United Center, right? Well, I'll need to check the box score again to confirm this, but I believe that Allen Iverson made 5,000 straight jumpers along with 4,000 free throws in the third quarter while the Bulls shot 1-out-of-10,000,000. Believe me, if you think those numbers are bad, it looked a lot worse watching it live. So, there's now a tie for the last playoff spot with the Bulls needing to play the super-hot Nets on Tuesday. Just awful.

4) How Long is the Grace Period for the White Sox? – The Sox dropped 2 out of 3 to the Royals, which up until last week, when Kansas City voters passed a tax referendum to renovate Kauffman Stadium, was Candidate #1 of MLB Teams That Need to Move to Las Vegas. Supposedly, we're only one week into a five-year moratorium on complaining about a team after they've won a championship. Is everyone sure it isn't supposed to be a five-week moratorium instead?

5) Cubs – Cards vs. Yankees – Red Sox – Here's what I believe is the primary difference between Cubs – Cardinals rivalry and the Yankees – Red Sox rivalry (besides the "small" factor of actually winning the World Series recently): While the Cards could be equated with the Yankees in terms of success compared to their respective rivals, I've never met a Chicagoan that actually would ever willingly move to St. Louis (I'm not talking about heading to Wash U for college for 4 years – I mean permanent residence). I know I wouldn't. In contrast, the bemoaning of the constant failures of the Red Sox (up until 2004, of course) was an extension of the overall inferiority complex that Bostonians feel toward New York City. So, what's worse? Is it the Chicagoan that looks down upon St. Louis as an inferior city yet the Cubs maddeningly don't have anywhere near the history of success of their rube rivals (in football terms, subsitute "St. Louis" with "Green Bay" here)? Or is it the Bostonian that consistently feels inferior on both fronts? I'll leave you with that thought on your Monday morning.

The Mason Midmajor Myth

On By Frank the TankIn Big Ten, College Basketball, Illinois Fighting Illini, Sports2 Comments

Monday's national championship game between Flordida and UCLA was quite possibly the worst final I've ever seen. The UConn shellacking of Georgia Tech in 2004 was up there on the anti-entertainment scale as well, but at least I knew the Huskies were putting on a preview of things to come in the NBA with Emeka Okafor and Ben Gordon on the floor. There's a lot of potential with the guys on both Florida and UCLA, but certainly no locks for future stardom.

Thus, the focus for my last college basketball post of the season is to address the monolithic groupthink that has permeated the sports world since George Mason made it to the Final Four. The overwhelming view right now is that George Mason's NCAA Tournament run is going to change everything for midmajor schools and that Billy Packer ought to be hung in effigy for his ignorance. However, as the Sports Guy would say in paraphrasing the Wolf from “Pulp Fiction”, let's not start sucking each other's you-know-whats just yet.

As I wrote last week, George Mason's Final Four berth is the most improbable sports achievement I've witnessed in my lifetime and I outlined exactly why. I'm not sure how so many analysts all of the sudden believe that the preponderance of the evidence showing the major conferences (and the BCS conferences in particular) dominating the NCAA Tournament when it comes to the Final Four are suddenly going to be thrown by the wayside. There's a reason why the appearance of George Mason was such a major story: this was an aberration rather than a sign of things to come. This isn't the rant of a Big Ten snob. Quite to the contrary, let's think about this rationally from (1) a talent perspective and (2) how the college sports business works.

The talent gap between the majors and midmajors is going to widen again next year with the new rule preventing prep players from entering the NBA Draft until one year after they graduate from high school. Every single one of those players who would have skipped college to go to the pros will be heading to major programs. Even though this doesn't eradicate the prospect of college players leaving early for the NBA Draft, which is the area that majors suffer more from than the midmajors, a team is still better off with top flight underclassmen a la Syracuse's Carmelo Anthony in 2003 or Florida's Joakim Noah this year than a group of mid-level seniors when it comes to winning national championships. So, I doubt that the midmajors are really going to make headway when the majors are going to get their biggest talent infusion in a generation over the next few years.

At the same time, the rise of George Mason isn't going to do anything to alter the non-conference scheduling by the majors. George Mason might become one of a tiny handful of midmajors other than Gonzaga to regularly obtain home-and-home series with high majors, but the business of college sports dictates that fortune of those schools won't spread to their fellow midmajors. For example, Illinois typically schedules 2 true road games per year (Illinois playing "at" UIC at the United Center or Indiana playing "at" Butler at the Conseco Fieldhouse are anything but true road games), one of which is a return game for a team that they had invited previously to the United Center (typically an ACC, Pac-10, or SEC team) and the other usually being an ACC-Big Ten Challenge game. Is Illinois going to (a) give up a revenue producing home game to play a midmajor on the road or (b) replace a road game against an ACC-type team with a midmajor team? There's no way that the Illini would ever take either if those options. Even worse from the midmajor perspective, Illinois is typically one of the more aggresive schedulers of the top programs. Teams such as Syracuse and UConn often go through their entire non-conference slates playing only one or even zero true road games. The point is that the major conference schools go on the road sparingly, and when they do, they want to play other major conference schools.

As a result, I don't believe all the hype about the sea-change about to come for the midmajors. In fact, it's extremely likely that the majors will be more powerful next season. There's a reason why the story of Norman Dale and Hickory High was made into the movie “Hoosiers”: it was a once-in-a-lifetime event. The George Mason run is a great story that is going to be on that mythical level, as well, because it's not going to happen again for a long time.

Hello Goodbye: Opening Day and One Shining Moment

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago White Sox, College Basketball, Major League Baseball, Sports1 Comment

The first Monday in April is always the most bittersweet day on the sports calendar for me.  On the one hand, there's the NCAA National Championship Game, which means that after tonight we'll have to mothball college basketball all the way until November.  Since Illinois (and the rest of the Big Ten, for that matter) failed to get to the second weekend of the NCAA Tournament, this period off is going to seem extra-long.  It also doesn't help that after the ousting of George Mason, this NCAA Final has almost no buzz going for it.  Anyway, I always harken back to the oldest adage in sports that defense wins championships.  In this case, the formerly high-flying UCLA has morphed into a bruising Big Ten/Big East-type team with suffocating defense.  Florida has the athletic advantage, but I believe that the Bruins' D will slow the game down similar to their regional final game against the super-athletic Memphis team.  It will be an close and ugly victory for UCLA.  Honestly, I'm just waiting for the "One Shining Moment" montage, which is the ultimate capper to any sports season (although I didn't see last year's rendition since I was being talked off the ledge after having my heart crushed in the Illini loss).

On the other hand, it's Opening Day in baseball and the White Sox have begun their World Series title defense.  I didn't stay up until 2 am to watch the end of last night's Sox opener, but it's great to see Jim Thome's hot bat in spring training carry over into the regular season.  This is probably the most excited I've ever been for the start of baseball season.  For my entire lifetime as well as the lifetimes of several generations of Chicagoans, the White Sox have come out of every offseason with tons of questions marks following a disappointing season.  However, the Sox erased all of those years of misery with their stunning World Series run last season and an offseason that strengthened the team even more.  I don't take much pleasure in how the Sox have become the dominant favorite to win the World Series again this year (I want to avoid the Sports Illustrated jinx at all costs), but it's a whole lot better than going through the motions of a 162-game season without anything on the line.

Picking only one of baseball, basketball, or football as my favorite sport is pretty much impossible – that would be like asking a father to pick one of his three kids as his favorite.  Every one of those sports has aspects that I love (my wife notes that I always have a sport to watch with deep interest, so my complaints about one of the seasons ending falls on deaf ears).  Suffice to say, saying goodbye to basketball (I'm not counting the Bulls here since even if they make the NBA playoffs, they're practically guaranteed to be swept by the Pistons – I won't have much more interest in the NBA after that occurs) while saying hello to baseball makes this a day of mixed emotions.

Bucky, the Pink Line, Kelvin, and the Final Four

On By Frank the TankIn Big Ten, College Basketball, Music, Pop Culture, Random Thoughts, Sports, Television2 Comments

Some random thoughts for your Final Four weekend:

1) Bucky Survives and Advances – Forget about Presidential elections. What terrifies me about the voting patterns of the Red States is that Bucky Covington could very well be our next American Idol. If you've watched this season at all and have any discernible taste in music (or just an appreciation of proper intonation), you know exactly what I'm talking about. Not only did he not finish in the bottom 3 this week, but next week everyone has to sing country songs (looks like I'll be just tuning in for the results show), which plays right into Bucky's Southern Strategy. We can't let this happen. Vote or die, people!

2) The Pink Line – I seriously thought the Chicago Tribune was pulling an early April Fool's joke on us with this morning's front page article. Unfortunately, every time I set the bar lower for the CTA, they manage to limbo right under there.

3) Kelvin Sampson Hired at IU – The only thing more surprising than the announcement of Sampson's hiring at Indiana is the tepid response of Hoosier fans. As I said before, IU fans were expecting Coach K to drop everything, move to Bloomington, and bring along Phil Jackson and Pat Riley as his assistants. Notwithstanding the ignorance of its fan base, I believe that Indiana made a great hire and he was certainly as close to the top of the coaching mountain as the school could reasonably attain.

Take this from an Illini guy who was hoping that IU would screw up and bow to nepotistic pressure to hire within the “Indiana Family” a la Steve Alford (or the gold standard of Isiah Thomas): anyone that argues that Indiana should have hired Alford over Sampson is insane. Sampson has proven he can win lots of games and recruit great talent at the basketball backwaters of Pullman and Norman. It's interesting to note that the Hoosier fans that are most critical of the baggage regarding Sampson's calls to recruits are pretty much the same people that vehemently defended a coach that choked his players. Seems just a little bit hypocritical for them to pull out the "integrity" card, no?

All in all, Kelvin Sampson is a great fit for Indiana and is going to provide some tough competition on the floor and on the recruiting trails in the Big Ten. Indiana fans ought to thank their lucky stars they got this good of a coach.

4) Final Four Predictions – I'm not betting against George Mason anymore – I'm a believer. So, I'm going with George Mason over Florida and UCLA over LSU in the semifinals.

Have a great weekend!

2006 National League Preview

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago Cubs, Major League Baseball, Sports5 Comments

Yesterday it was the American League. Today, let's check out the Senior Circuit. I'll have my predictions for the baseball postseason next week.

NL EAST

1) Atlanta Braves – The conventional wisdom was that the Mets would overtake the Braves last year, but the Atlanta rookies proved to be pretty much all studs. Even though they've only won one World Series during this unprecedented 16-year division winning streak the Braves organization and, in particular, manager Bobby Cox have proven that this is the premier franchise in baseball. Pretty much every key player is back, so I see no reason why they won't win the East again.

2) New York Mets – The Mets excel at making splashy signings to grab some New York tabloid headlines from the Yankees every winter (this season, enter in Billy Wagner), but they seem to be baseball's version of the Washington Redskins: they've got stars all around, yet the lack of chemistry and continuity from season-to-season means they spend the first couple of months of the year underachieving. By the time they turn it around, it's usually too late. Expect some lackluster results from the Mets again.

3) Washington Nationals – This is what happens when a team is actually run by Major League Baseball A.K.A. Bud Selig: they trade for by far and away the best offensive second baseman in baseball, yet decide to stick him in left field, where power hitters are a dime a dozen. Alfonso Soriano might have acquiesed to the switch for now, but how happy would you be if your new employer essentially slashed your salary potential by 20% by moving you to a different position? This isn't a good situation. Still, there's enough talent here for the Nats to make a decent showing. I wouldn't be surprised if this team ends up finishing ahead of the Mets.

4) Philadelphia Phillies – The over/under on the number of games before Philly fans start throwing batteries on the field is 3. They had their window of opportunity the last few years and they blew it. It's going to almost as ugly as…

5) Florida Marlins – … the Marlins' cicada-like cycle of destroying their team within 2 years of winning the World Series. Can you believe that only the Yankees have been more successful in the postseason over the past decade than this sorry-ass excuse for a franchise? The Yankees' spending doesn't make me sick, but the crap that the Marlins have pulled twice does.

NL CENTRAL

1) Chicago Cubs – No, this is not a typo by your favorite White Sox fan. The biggest thing here is that I love Juan Pierre. This guy is going to change the face of this offense for the better. Imagine what Derrick Lee's numbers are going to look like when he doesn't come up to the plate with the bases empty due to Corey Patterson's lack of anything. The Cubs would have done themselves a whole lot of good by signing Kevin Millwood or someone else comparable instead of continuing to chase the Healthy Wood and Prior Urban Legend, but the bullpen is vastly improved. Plus, this division won't be as strong this year.

2) Milwaukee Brewers – Not only do I believe that the Brew Crew is going to finish second in the division, but they're going to take the Wild Card as well (partly because the NL compared to the AL looks like the NFC compared to the AFC in the NFL right now). The Brewers have the most pitching depth in the division and premier power hitters in Carlos “El Caballo” Lee and Richie Sexson (UPDATE: I'm a dumb-ass; Sexson is with the Mariners now; substitute Geoff Jenkins' name here). This will be the team that makes the leap in baseball this season.

3) St. Louis Cardinals – The Cards had the best team in baseball on paper the last two seasons but weren't able to come up with a World Series win. I foresee a significant reduction in victories this season for an aging team, even if they do carry the best individual hitter in the NL in Albert Pujols and the best individual pitcher in the NL in Cris Carpenter.

4) Houston Astros – If Roger Clemens comes back, the Astros will grab the Wild Card. His presence gives them the premier starting rotation in the league. The offense is brutal, though, so if he doesn't come back to Houston, which is what I'm betting on, the Astros won't have enough strength to overcome their traditionally slow starts to the season.

5) Cincinnati Reds – Will Grant Hill, er, Ken Griffey Jr. be healthy all season? It won't matter, because this team really sucks.

6) Pittsburgh Pirates – Arrrrrrgh, me booty's the booty of the NL Central! Arrrrrrrrrrgh!!!

NL WEST

1) The Real World: San Francisco Giants – Coming up this season on the Barry Bonds reality show: With a halfway healthy Barry and Jason Schmidt, the Giants take this pathetic division with 82 wins. However, Barry has a steroid-induced fit with his 2005 replacement Pedro (Feliz) before the All Star break. In response, the members of the team vote to let Barry stay on the team but decide to take away his keys to the clubhouse.

2) The Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles – I picked the rest of these teams…

3) Colorado Rockies – … based on…

4) San Diego Padres – … how much…

5) Arizona Diamondbacks – … I like their uniforms.

Notwithstanding the NL West, I'm so ready for baseball!

2006 American League Preview

On By Frank the TankIn Chicago White Sox, Major League Baseball, SportsLeave a comment

With all of the craziness in the NCAA Tournament, let's not forget that the baseball season is starting on Sunday with no less than our Chicago White Sox unveiling their World Championship banner. Minnesota Red Sox has provided a spectacular in-depth look at all of the baseball teams at his Siberian Baseball site, so I highly recommend checking that out. Here are my quick predictions for the American League this season (with the National League and playoff predictions coming up within the next few days):

AL EAST

1) New York Yankees – With a true leadoff man back in the fray with the Yanks again in Johnny Damon, this team is going to slug its way to the top of the division again. The lack of improvement in the starting rotation is going to kill them again in the playoffs, though.

2) Toronto Blue Jays – The crazy Canucks were tipsy in giving B.J. Ryan such an exorbinant contract, but A.J. Burnett is going to thrive under Roy Halladay (Burnett made a wise choice in picking a place where he wouldn't be the #1 starter). This team is going to leapfrog the Red Sox by virtue of having the best pitching staff in the division.

3) Boston Red Sox – The "Josh Beckett/Curt Schilling DL Watch" is a spinoff of the Chicago original of the "Kerry Wood/Mark Prior DL Watch." If Beckett and Schilling were guaranteed to be healthy all season, I would pick the Bosox to win this division. I'm not betting on that happening, though. Plus, the loss of Johnny Damon is going to hurt this offense more than Red Sox fans care to admit.

4) Tampa Bay Devil Rays – Honestly, the collection of young talent on this team reminds me of the Indians from last year. I would not be shocked if this team makes a quantum leap over the Red Sox and Blue Jays this season. Seriously – anyone that runs a fantasy baseball team knows that the Rays have some good talent on that roster.

5) Baltimore Orioles – This team has picked up both Corey Patterson and Latroy Hawkins. I foresee supreme suckage.

AL CENTRAL

1) Chicago White Sox – When the world champs have gotten deeper in both hitting and pitching, that spells a repeat. I've already gone in depth on how much I loved the offseason moves by the Sox. This is going to be another fun year on the South Side. The only area that concerns me is closer – I still don't have faith that Bobby Jenks is going to be as consistent as we need him to be.

2) Cleveland Indians – This team is a little bit weaker without Kevin Millwood, but that will be balanced by the growth of their phenomenal young players by the end of the year. This is my bet for the Wild Card team.

3) Detroit Tigers – They haven't improved at all, it's just that…

4) Minnesota Twins – … this is the year that the Twins fall off the table. Notwithstanding Johan Santana, who is the best pitcher in baseball right now, this team regressed substantially last year and they haven't made any improvements.

5) Kansas City Royals – Transaction wire yesterday: “The Kansas City Royals have been optioned to the Pacific Coast League. The Portland Beavers have been called up as replacements.”

AL WEST

1) The Los Angeles Angels of the Town Up the Road from Laguna Beach and Other O.C. Cities Cooler Than Anaheim – Still an incredibly balanced team. The only way the Angels don't win this division is if Bartolo Colon gets too hungry one day and eats Vladimir Guerrero and Mike Scoscia suspends Colon indefinitely for not leaving any scraps. Anyway, the Angels are really good.

2) Oakland A's – Moneyball continues to allow this team to compete, but the Angels have surged clearly ahead of Oaktown and the Wild Card is getting out of reach with the AL East teams and the rise of the Indians. I'm still a big Barry Zito fan, though.

3) Seattle Mariners – The pitcher everyone compares phenom Felix Hernandez to is Dwight Gooden, as if that was a good thing. Funny, a pitcher that became coked up to the point where the zenith of his career was at age 19 doesn't conjure up a positive image. Let's hope he doesn't go down this road. Ichiro continues to kick ass, but the rest of the lineup is pretty lackluster.

4) Texas Rangers – W's old team will once again lead the league (a) in batters that hit 30 homeruns with only 60 RBI and a OBA under .300 and (b) pitchers that strikeout more cameramen than hitters. This is a higher-rent older version of the Devil Rays.

Spinderella Cut It Up One Time

On By Frank the TankIn College Basketball, Sports2 Comments

Pound for pound, the NCAA Tournament is the best event in all of sports – there's nothing even close to it. Super Bowls are more often than not pretty disappointing from a fan's perspective, there have been plently of lackluster baseball postseasons (although the last three seasons with the White Sox, Red Sox, and Cubs involved have been spectacular), the NBA and NHL Stanley Cup playoffs drag on for two months each, and don't even get me started on the BCS in college football. Meanwhile, the NCAA Tournament delivers improbable games and stories every single year in a one-and-done format. Does anyone ever remember there being a boring NCAA Tournament? It just doesn't happen. That's why I look forward to March Madness more than any other item on the sports calendar.

However, I've always thought the the Cinderella aspect of the NCAA Tournament was overblown. Sure, you'll see a number of low seeds upset superior teams on paper in the first round and a handful of midmajors get to the Sweet Sixteen on an annual basis. Every once in a while, teams like Gonzaga (who you can't call a midmajor anymore – they are the Duke of the non-BCS teams) or Kent State squeeze through to the Elite Eight. This is what makes picking brackets so fun. But when it comes down to where the stakes were highest – the Final Four – college basketball has been as stacked in favor of the powers-that-be as any pro or college sport.

History bears this out. Since the BCS was formed for the 1998 football season and until yesterday, only 2 teams, Marquette and Louisville, have made the Final Four that were not members of BCS conferences at the time of their runs and both of those teams are now BCS schools after having joined the Big East this season. At the same time, until yesterday, the last midmajor teams to make the Final Four were Indiana State and my sister's alma mater, Penn, in 1979. However, Indiana State had a guy named Larry Bird and came into the tournament that year as the #1-ranked team in the nation, so they were anything but a Cinderella story (in fact, they were an uber-Gonzaga). Penn was a bit of a surprise that year as a #9-seed, but the Quakers were well known as a historically significant program and their homecourt was and continues to be the Palestra, which is college basketball's equivalent of Wrigley Field (so the Ivy Leaguers weren't really outsiders). Considering this track record, it's interesting that the conventional wisdom is that college basketball gives everyone a chance to win it all while sports fans continually criticize the payroll disparities in baseball as being unfair to small-market teams even though the Florida Marlins have won two World Series championships in the last decade.

That's why I believe George Mason's breakthrough to the Final Four is the most shocking sports event that I've witnessed in my lifetime (I was alive for the Miracle on Ice in 1980, but since I was 2-years old at the time, I obviously don't remember that firsthand). Improbable comebacks, such as the Illinois eradication of a 15-point deficit to Arizona with 4 minutes to go in the game to make the Final Four last year (by the way, I popped in a tape of that game to watch that sequence again last night and I still can't believe how the Illini were able to do that. Even in the wake of the crazy White Sox postseason run, the 2005 Chicago Regional Final was personally the best sports moment of my life. Unless the Illini essentially do the same thing in a national championship game, the sea change from outright dejection to pure exhiliration in the span of a few minutes is something that probably will never be topped) or the Red Sox coming back from a 3 games-to-none hole against the Yankees in the 2004 ALCS are at one level, but the teams who make the comebacks usually are at least expected to be competitive (for instance, the Illini had only lost one game all year and were the #1 overall seed in 2005, while the Red Sox had the second-highest payroll in baseball next to the Yankees in 2004).

What George Mason has done is simply beyond comprehension to me. The road that they took to the Final Four went through Michigan State, North Carolina, and Connecticut – teams that have a combined 4 national championships and 8 Final Four appearances in the 7 years since the aforementioned beginning of the BCS. What's even more amazing to me is that this isn't a fluky team jacking up three-pointers and draining crazy shots, which is typically how most underdogs win a game or two in the NCAA Tournament. Anyone who watched the game yesterday noticed that George Mason controlled the tempo of the game by taking the time get a good pass into one of their two big men in the post on almost every possession, who would then either take it to the rim if there was a one-on-one matchup or kick it out for an open three-pointer or short jumpshot if there was a double-team. Simple in theory, yet not very many teams are able to do this consistently (for example, this is what I've been screaming at Illinois to do all season). At the same time, the Patriots played great man-to-man defense on UConn – even though there were few turnovers, the Huskies got few wide open looks and did a great job of boxing out to grab key rebounds.

The point is that George Mason doesn't look like a midmajor on the court. When Bucknell beat Kansas last year, the Bisons seriously looked like they were half the size of their Jayhawk counterparts. Same thing with Northwestern State compared to Iowa this year. The Patriots, on the other hand, play and look like a team from a power conference. They've already ousted the most athletically gifted team in country in UConn, a team with 3 starters from the 2005 Final Four in Michigan State, and the club with the best freshmen in the country in North Carolina. I'll be the first to admit to having a huge bias toward the major conferences as an alum of Big Ten and Big East schools. However, conferences don't win championships – teams win championships and GMU has proven that it is as great of a team as anyone out there. Maybe Cinderella does exist, after all.

Morrison and Redick Bounced While Texas and Memphis Live On

On By Frank the TankIn Big East, College Basketball, Sports1 Comment

Incredible night of basketball, folks! I was ready print a mea culpa and admit that Gonzaga was for real after they were steamrolling over UCLA for most of last night’s game, but the Bulldogs’ terrible defense finally reared its ugly head by allowing the Bruins to score the last 11 points in the game and secure a thrilling 73-71 victory. Gonzaga was yet another case of the general public getting swept up in offensive firepower while forgetting about what really matters – defensive intensity. The Bulldogs, Dallas Mavericks, and Indianapolis Colts might be fun to watch in the regular season, but none of those teams are going to win the whole thing in their respective sports unless they get real on defense.

If it wasn’t for the stunning UCLA comeback, the Texas – West Virginia game would have been the top instant classic from this year’s tournament. With the Longhorns as my pick for the national championship, I thought Kevin Pittsnogle’s three-pointer to tie the game with 5 seconds left was going to be the death-knell for my bracket (granted, it’s already on life-sustaining equipment). There’s no way that Texas could pick itself up in overtime, right? Well, Kenton Paulino flipped the prospect of overtime the bird and nailed his own improbable three-pointer at the buzzer to clinch an Elite Eight appearance for Texas.

The evening was already going really well for me after witnessing LSU pummel Duke and J.J. Redick. Not only do I have LSU in the Final Four in one of my brackets, but it came at the expense of the most evil team in the all of sports (college or pro). If you don’t believe Coach K and his minions are the Team of the Antichrist, check out this proof that Minneapolis Red Sox sent me.

Those three thrillers more than made up for the Memphis – Bradley yawner. I didn’t put much faith in Memphis before the tournament not because of their talent – I’ve known that the Tigers’ athletes are as good as any in college basketball this year – but because of their weak conference. The lesson here once again is that I’m an idiot. I’ve got to give Memphis props for playing a hellacious non-conference schedule to compensate for the subpar Conference USA games (UCLA, Duke, Gonzaga, Tennessee, Texas, Cincinnati, plus 4 other BCS schools and UW-Milwaukee, to boot). Compare that to UConn’s line of preseason cupcakes. Remember this if they end up meeting in the championship game.

Quick predictions for tonight’s games: Boston College over Villanova (power usually beats speed in the tournament), Georgetown over Florida (just a gut feeling), George Mason over Wichita State (homecourt advantage for George Mason in DC), UConn over Washington (55% chance of a blowout by UConn or a 45% chance of a close stunning upset by Washington – there won’t be anything in between).

Enjoy the games and your weekend!