The Lonely Libertarian: A View From a Disaffected Republican

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When I began this blog nearly one year ago, I anticipated that I would write about politics nearly as much as I do now on sports. I’ve always been an avid follower of the political game and log onto the New York Times and Washington Post websites every morning. What I quickly found out, however, is that every time I started a blog post on politics, I ended up gritting my teeth with with such disdain for today’s political climate to the point where I would almost never finish my thoughts. This is because I feel that neither of the major political parties seem to want someone like me.

Let me start out by explaining my political background. I’ve considered myself to be a Republican since long before the time that I could even cast a vote. However, I’ve always had major disagreements with large portions of the Republican Party platform because my political philosphy is purely libertarian, which is generally considered to be a position of being a fiscal and free market conservative and a social liberal. One might say that would make me a “moderate”, although I generally eschew that term since I admit that my views on fiscal and economic issues are generally in line with Ayn Rand while I could probably be mistaken for Barbara Streisand on the social side. I do believe, however, that politicians as whole need to be more pragmatic and centrist when it comes down to the practical matters of governance and legislation as opposed to being wedded to their respective ideologies. The reason why the Republicans always won out with me despite this internal conflict was that I weighed the fiscal and economic issues greater than the social issues. That’s because I felt and still feel that economic principles are based on pure logic and a government that ignores those principles will have an immediate negative effect on the financial health of the country as a whole. In contrast, I have always believed that social issues are usually hot-button topics that would inflame a lot of emotions in people but have little practical effect on me personally.

Over the past several years, however, the Republicans have increasingly focused on “wedge” social issues to drive voter turnout from evangelicals and like-minded religious conservatives while generally ignoring the libertarian wing of the party. Today, Republicans are now garnered with the reputation of being obsessed with overturning Roe v. Wade, opposing gay marriage, meddling in the family medical decisions regarding people on life-support that have been in comas for years, proposing that building a huge fence on the U.S.-Mexican border is appropriate “immigration reform” even though this economy would largely grind to a halt without such immigrants, and cutting off funds for embryonic stem cell research that could yield cures for degenerative diseases such as Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. At the same time, while the Republicans still largely adhere to the principles of lower taxes and open markets, they have completely abandoned the concept of a smaller government by expanding the size of the federal bureaucracy to levels that would make even FDR blush. All of this was done in the belief that the libertarian wing of the party and similar-thinking independents would hold the line because of the liberal orthodoxy of the Democratics. Frankly, this attitude completely turned me off.

I wish that I could tell you that the Democratic Party went after my type with gusto, but that didn’t happen. Even though the Democrats were able to secure both the U.S. House and Senate by attracting large waves of independent voters that were upset at our situation in Iraq, they have mostly reverted back to the populist rhetoric of the old line liberals as opposed to the centrist policies of Bill Clinton. The sealer for me was when Ned Lamont ended up beating Joe Lieberman in the primary for Connecticut’s Senate seat, where Lieberman was representative of the type of Democrat that I would have gladly voted for in this type of environment. (It turned out that the liberals that foamed at the mouth to oust Lieberman were a bit out of touch with the general electorate as he won his seat back by running as an independent.) At this point in time, the Democratic base is more bent on being a liberal counterweight to the Bush administration as opposed to moving to the center. This is even though Clinton, an avowed centrist, has been the only Democrat to win two terms as President since Franklin D. Roosevelt. The general decision of the Democratic Party leadership to move away from such success since Clinton left office continues to astound me and has prevented me from considering to move over to their side even with my nearly complete dissatisfaction with the Republicans.

What’s amazing is that public opinion polls continuously show that the majority of the people in this country tilt slightly to the right on economic issues and slightly to the left on social issues, which would seem to be a great incentive for one of the parties to seize a libertarian platform. Yet, since libertarians are not easily mobilized or found in large groupings the way social conservatives are in evangelical churches or populists are in labor unions, neither party has spent any time courting my type in an organized manner. Meanwhile, in the rush to separate the country’s population into two simple-minded silos of being either left-wing protesters of the war in Iraq or right-wing Bible thumpers, I did not see a single story in the national media over the past two years about how the libertarian viewpoint, which is largely the independent voter’s viewpoint, has been ignored by the major political parties until this past week in The Economist, which happens to be a British newsmagazine. (On a separate note, The Economist is far superior to the U.S. newsweeklies in nearly every facet of reporting and analysis even on American stories. I highly recommend it if you want serious and in-depth news coverage.) Thus, the very voters that turn almost every election have somehow flown completely under the radar by the powers that be in politics and the media.

An argument that I hear a lot is that I should start supporting a third party candidate (in my case, the actual Libertarian Party), yet I take the view of Eric Zorn, who noted that you need to vote with your head instead of your heart. I don’t believe in the effectiveness of a “protest vote” and, as Zorn pointed out, the notion that a large number of third party votes will “send a message” to the two major political parties has always turned out to be false, such as the utter disregard for Ross Perot’s views by both Republicans and Democrats even though he ran the most successful third party presidential campaign of modern times in 1992. (“Can I finish? Can I finish? Can I fin-ish?”) As a practical matter, I doubt that the Republicans that voted for Perot in 1992 that led to 8 years of Bill Clinton or the Florida Democrats that voted for Ralph Nader in 2000 that led to 8 years of George W. Bush think a “protest vote” is all that good of an idea today. At the same time, I’ve always put the thought of strong third parties in the United States in the “be careful for what you wish for” category. Instead of being centrist parties, third parties are almost always on the fringes of the far right or left sides of the political spectrum. Having fascist and socialist representatives in government, which is not at all uncommon in “progressive” Europe, doesn’t exactly encourage more cooperation in society.

In the end, I still voted for more Republican candidates than not this past Tuesday, although the bitterness of my political philosophy being ignored by both parties is going to continue to linger. Much of the country, however, ended up disagreeing with me by giving all of Congress back to the Democrats and I honestly can’t blame them. If you controlled the White House, Senate, and House of Representatives at the same time and weren’t able to pass any reforms of the Social Security system and immigration policy that were promised in 2004, there was a clear failure of leadership. Obviously, the war in Iraq loomed and continues to loom over everything, but the fact that the Republicans failed on making advances on those domestic issues meant that the quagmire in Iraq couldn’t even be countered with positive achievements elsewhere in the campaign.

The Democrats were the beneficiaries of a “kick the bums out” election this year, but if they want their victory to be more than a 2-year blip, they will still need to follow the gameplan that I wrote for them this past January. In my opinion, they aren’t even close to meeting those standards. The last time that the Republicans were bogged down by an unpopular war and corruption at the highest levels, they were swept out by Democrats in 1976. However, that turned out to be only a short-term diversion as Ronald Reagan rose to power in 1980 and set a conservative national agenda that is still largely in place today. That won’t be changed by the Democrats if their “policy” on the war in Iraq over the next 2 years is to subpoena current and former Bush Administration officials on what they were thinking in March 2003 as opposed to finding a forward-looking solution that allows the U.S. to withdraw its troops in a reasonable timeframe without compromising our broader goals for peace and stability in that country.

On the Republican side, I hope that they finally realize that they cannot build a “permanent majority”, as Bush and Karl Rove have sought to create, on social conservatives and the electoral votes of the South alone. The party can learn a lot from Arnold Schwarzenegger (I always found it ironic that the two most prominent politicians to ever come out of the liberal cauldron of Hollywood are the Terminator and the Gipper), who was elected to another term as Governor of California in a landslide despite it being the bluest state in the nation. (On a related point, after witnessing a Democratic governor get re-elected without barely a fight even though there are Federal investigations galore surrounding him and the Green Party receive 10% of the votes, there is no doubt that my home state of Illinois has voting patterns that are more in line with coastal states such as New York and California than the other states in the Midwest. The Illinois Republican Party needs to be constantly reminded of this whenever it feels the inevitable rumblings from its base to turn back sharply to the right on social issues.) The Republicans definitenly have potential 2008 Presidential candidates that fit the profile of attracting broad support from both sides of the aisle in John McCain and Rudy Giuliani, but the question is whether they can come out of the party’s primary without having to grant the promises to evangelicals that Bush was willing to dole out. A possible positive development of the Republicans suffering huge losses this year, from my standpoint, is that those 2008 primary voters will have to look toward a candidate’s electability in the general election as a prominent factor as opposed to ideological purity, so the likelihood of a more moderate temperant from the party the next time around might be greater.

The upshot of all of this is that I still call myself a Republican, albeit an extremely disaffected one whose decision is currrently based on choosing the lesser of two evils. There are individual Democrats that I admire and support such as Barack Obama and Rahm Emanuel (who was the true architect of the Democrats’ takeover of the House as opposed to Howard Dean), yet that party’s leadership and platform overall still has done little to attract people like myself. In the end, I hope that the Republicans can get past the toxic lure of voter turnout from social conservatives with reactionary wedge issues and get back to what a broad majority of Americans really supported the party for over the past four decades, namely a smaller federal government, lower taxes, and strong national defense. That is the only way that the Republicans can win back my heart instead of just my head.

(UPDATE: The Onion summed the election up best here.)

Frank the Tank’s Classic Music Video of the Week: Mo Money Mo Problems – Notorious B.I.G. feat. the Artist Formerly Known as Puff Daddy and Mase

It’s weird to think of “Mo Money Mo Problems” as a “classic” music video, yet it has already been over 9 years since the single hit the charts. In my opinion, this was one of the last great videos before MTV went completely toward the reality show realm (which hasn’t necessarily been a negative development for me – I could watch “Next”, “Parental Control”, and “Date My Mom” on a continuous loop), with Biggie Smalls’ posthumous appearance and the introduction of the Shiny Pants Era of Hip-Hop. Plus, there’s a time capsule-esque quality with the references to the Tiger Woods-Fuzzy Zoeller dispute that was fresh on everyone’s minds at the time. So long fried rice, hello fried chicken!

(This and a ton of other clips are on the Frank the Tank Channel on YouTube.)

WTF Rex???!!! and Land-o-Links for 11/6/2006

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There are times when superior football teams play down to their opponents’ levels, such as Ohio State letting Illinois hang around on Saturday. The Bears performance yesterday against the Dolphins, however, qualified as an unmitigated disaster where we just got pummeled. (Kudos to TK for predicting both the Illini thriller and a Bears letdown on Friday. You can see in the comment section that I was a doubter at the time, but now I’m in awe of his Karnak-like prognasticative abilities.) Rex Grossman is showing that he’s either throwing for a 130 QB rating or a 30 with nothing in between. The Bears offensive line was shredded by Jason Taylor and company, which just shouldn’t happen when a five-time Pro Bowler is your anchor at center. Devin Hester, for all of his electricity on kickoff and punt returns, continues to have a nasty habit of starting to run before the ball is in his hands. The vaunted Bears defense looked hapless against Ronnie Brown and Joey Freaking Harrington out of all people. I just didn’t understand what was happening.

Not only that, long bomb threat Bernard Berrian is going to be out for 2 to 4 weeks with a rib injury, which means that the Bears’ vertical passing game might end up looking like what we had yesterday for the next month – as in non-existant. Even potentially worse, Brian Urlacher is going in for an MRI today after getting his foot rolled up near the end of Sunday’s game, so who knows what we’re going to do if he’s out for an extended period of time when Mike Brown is already on the shelf. It’s hard to say that the Bears are going to tank when they still have a 7-1 record (as Mike Downey seems to believe), but getting demolished by a straight-up piece of shit Dolphins team at Soldier Field just before two straight games at Jimmy Hoffa’s final resting place against the Giants and Jets and then another road game at Foxboro versus the continuously dangerous Patriots isn’t the way to inspire confidence with your hyper-analytic fan base.

At the end of the day, Rex needs to figure out at some point that if he’s feeling that his timing is off, he needs to simmer down and not chuck the ball thirty yards downfield into the hands of the opposing defense. I don’t agree with Rick Morrissey’s sentiment today in the Chicago Tribune that Rex should have been yanked for Brian Griese when it was evident that the younger quarterback was going to struggle all day (similar rumblings were made at a lower level in the wake of the Arizona “They Were Who We Thought They Were” game but subsided when the Bears put up 41 points in the first half against San Francisco last week). Switching out the starting QB is not the same as taking out your starting pitcher for a reliever in baseball – the ramifications from a QB change have a much greater long-term impact than just one game. If you live or have lived in Chicago, you know that the coverage of the Bears during the week can be all-consuming when they are in last place, much less contending for a berth in the Super Bowl, so a potential QB controversy ought to be the last thing anyone wants here. The Bears, so far, have won a lot more than they have lost with Rex and his gunner’s mentality at the helm, so it would be foolish to jump off the badnwagon so quickly. That being said, until Grossman can calm down on those days when everything’s not there for him, the Bears are going to be at a severe risk of losing more games to inferior teams.

Enough of the Bears rant… here are today’s links:

1) Illini Give Gritty Effort vs. Ohio State (Mark Tupper Weblog) – As mentioned before, one of my football teams gave a great effort in a losing cause this past weekend, but it wasn’t the Bears. (Okay, I’ll seriously stop with the Bears rant.)

2) Top 50 Basketball Player Finds DePaul (Chicago Tribune) – In other news, one of my alma maters is going to sign great college basketball recruiting class this week, but it won’t be Illinois. (The Eric Gordon-to-Indiana rant, however, will continue for the foreseeable future. If you thought T.O. returning to Philly was ugly, just wait until the Hoosiers visit Champaign on January 23rd.)

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3) Kenny G Blows Away All Musical Golfers (Yahoo! News) – I enjoyed Alice Cooper’s comment that golf is “The Crack of Sports”.

4) When Being a Fake Rock Star Is Better Than the Reality (Wall Street Journal) – Speaking of musicians, real rock stars seem to love Guitar Hero.

5) Einstein, Hawking… Manning? (Minneapolis Red Sox) – I agree with Minneapolis Red Sox here – there’s no real reason why I should dislike Peyton Manning and Colts, yet they always seem to rub me the wrong way. Maybe it’s because I grew up on smash-mouth Bears and Big Ten football and cannot stand it when the national media slobs the knob of sexy offensive teams that can’t play a lick of defense. As a result, I get a perverse joy out of watching those types of teams get demolished in the playoffs.

6) I Am a Fairy (Chronically Insane) – Parental advice on how to tell your kids that everything that they’ve known and loved has been a sham.

7) Assessing Bob Barker (Slate) – The price is wrong, bitch!

And finally…

8) ‘Wedgie’ Gets Principal 6-Day Suspension (San Francisco Chronicle) – The principal was sent to the principal’s office!

As the late Richard J. Daley would say, vote early and vote often tomorrow.

(Images from Chicago Tribune and Rolling Stone)

You Mess With The Bulls, You Get The Horns: NBA Preview 2006-07

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Big Ben Wallace has brought the championship feeling back to Chicago, Isiah Thomas is about to get torn a new one by the tabloids in New York, and Ron Artest is continuing his rap act in Sacramento. That’s right, ladies and gentleman… it’s the start of another NBA season (cue the John Tesch music). Here’s my preview of the Bulls and the rest of the NBA:

1) A New Bull Market – From the moment that I can first remember ever watching sports until my college years, the Chicago Bulls were my favorite team. My bedroom was a shrine to Michael Jordan with posters, basketball cards, and books. At the same time, I shot hoops on a daily basis at the playground with my MJ-endorsed Wilson basketball while wearing my #23 jersey and shorts. While the Bears and White Sox continuously found ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory during my childhood, MJ, Scottie Pippen, and the rest of the Bulls came through to give me the most vivid sports memories of my lifetime.

That obviously all changed after MJ’s schooling of Byron Russell for his real final shot in 1998 to clinch the 6th Bulls championship. (Wizards? I don’t know what you’re talking about.) Virtually overnight, the Bulls went from being the ultimate standard of excellance in the world of sports to the laughing stock of the NBA.

It has taken eight long and stomach-churning seasons with an astounding number of setbacks that I don’t want to rehash here, but the Bulls have finally climbed back to the position where they are legitmate contenders to reach the pinnacle of the NBA once again. Let’s give kudos to John Paxson for making some incredible personnel moves through the draft and free agency to bring the Bulls back to life.

As you probably know, the Bulls’ most signicant change from the offseason is the addition of Ben Wallace, which finally gives the team a defensive presence down on the block as well as some big-time veteran leadership. This move was augmented by the acquisition of P.J. Brown from Charlotte in exchange for Tyson Chandler (the last vestige of the Jerry Krause Era) and the draft night additions of Tyrus Thomas, Viktor Khryapa, and Thabo Sefalosha. All of these guys fit the mold of what John Paxson and coach Scott Skiles are looking for: long, fast, and athletic defensive players. It’s clear that the Bulls will be the top defensive team in the league this season.

Of course, the common question posed by nearly everyone is whether the Bulls will have enough offensive firepower to go along with the stifling defense. The conventional wisdom is that the balance of power in the league is with the run-and-gun offenses, such as the Phoenix Suns, as opposed to the defensive-oriented teams like the Bulls and Pistons. To me, however, this is a load of propoganda advanced by those that want to bring back the 140-135 regulation scores from the early ’80s. As evidenced by the meltdown by the Mavericks in the NBA Finals last year and the failure of the Suns to even advance to the Finals despite scoring at will over the past couple of seasons, a top flight defense is an absolute necessity to win a championship. That’s been the common thread between the Bad Boy Pistons, the MJ-led Bulls dynasty, the Kobe-Shaq Lakers, and every other championship squad from the past two decades. I’ll take a great defensive team over a sexy scoring unit every single time.

That being said, I believe that the Bulls will be able to get quite a few points for a two big reasons. First, the Bulls can score fast break points in transition as well as anyone. While most defensive-oriented teams have the reputation of slowing down the game to limit scoring, the Bulls instead have a deep athletic team that loves to run and keep the tempo of the game high. Second, the nucleus of Kirk Hinrich, Ben Gordon, and Luol Deng are all poised to make the proverbial leap to the next level. Many would argue Hinrich is already there, although his shooting percentage still needs to come up a bit to match his superior ball handling skills. Gordon has always been an electrifying scorer, but we’re still looking for a little more consistency from him. The real X-factor is how much Luol Deng improves this season. If he stays injury-free, he could very well become the top all around player on the team that’s the go-to guy that the Bulls have been lacking. In my opinion, how well the Bulls will do this season will depend upon the progress of Luol Deng more than anyone else.

Which brings us to where I believe the Bulls will end up…

2) Eastern Conference Projections
– The Eastern Conference is as competitive as ever, but this might finally be Chicago’s turn to shine again. (The Chicago Tribune has a nice summation of the team’s strengths and weaknesses in today’s paper.)  I still have a man crush for Dwyane Wade, yet Shaq’s decline is going to be a lot more pronounced this year for Miami. Unless Wade can start scoring over 30 points a game without any injuries or burning out from having played more games than any other player in the NBA over the past year (a result of going to the NBA Finals plus playing for Team USA), the Heat aren’t going to put Pat Riley in a position to cash in on his Three-Peat trademark in 2007-08. At the same time, I believe that the Pistons are going to miss Ben Wallace a whole lot more than they care to admit. Detroit fans can squawk about Nazr Mohammed giving them similar production in the low post, but they know in their hearts that the soul and leadership of that team laid in the big afro.

As a Bulls fan, there is one team from the East that would really scare me in a playoff situation: the Cleveland Cavaliers. I get the feeling that LeBron James’ presence in Cleveland is karmic payback for all of those years that MJ made Craig Ehlo his bitch. Sure, the team around LeBron makes the first few Jordan Bulls clubs look extremely balanced by comparison, but he has simply killed the Bulls since he’s come into the league like no one else. As a basketball fan in general, I can’t get enough of watching Bron-Bron, but I want no part of him going up against the Bulls in the postseason.

On the bottom end of the spectrum, despite the well-documented ineptitude of Isiah Thomas with the Knicks, he has somehow fleeced the majority of the national and New York media into believing that his team will actually improve this season with him taking the coaching reins as opposed to Hall of Fame Xs-and-Os man Larry Brown. I call bullshit. Isiah had underwhelming coaching performances with the Indiana Pacers when they were absolutely loaded with talent while competing in the vacuum immediately following MJ’s real retirement after the ’98 season, so it’s incredulous to believe that he’s going to turn around a bunch of overpaid babies this time around. There are still better than even odds that Greg Oden is going to end up in a Bulls uniform next to Ben Wallace next season (this is the hope that’s going to massage the fact that Oden is going to tear through the Illini and the rest of the Big Ten with Ohio State this year), which only Atlanta or Charlotte can prevent. Regardless, with the proverbial athletic freak in Tyrus Thomas already on the roster (it took less than four quarters of play in the NBA for him to break his nose) as a result of the Eddy Curry trade, Isiah Thomas is already in contention for being the best GM in Bulls history.

All in all, I’m drinking the Bulls kool-aid this season. As long as they can avoid the Cavs in the postseason, I foresee them winning the East and heading toward their first NBA Finals since the Jordan era.

Eastern Conference Final Standings Prediction: (1) Chicago Bulls, (2) Cleveland Cavaliers, (3) New Jersey Nets, (4) Detroit Pistons, (5) Washington Wizards, (6) Miami Heat, (7) Indiana Pacers, (8) Orlando Magic, (9) Boston Celtics, (10) Milwaukee Bucks, (11) Philadelphia 76ers, (12) Toronto Raptors, (13) Atlanta Hawks, (14) New York Knicks, (15) Charlotte Bobcats

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3) Western Conference Projections – Somehow, Texas, the world’s hotbed of football, now boasts arguably the three best basketball teams in the world. It’s a boring pick, but it’s difficult to pick anyone other than the San Antonio Spurs to come out of the West as long as Tim Duncan is at full strength. The Dallas Mavericks are still going to be in the mix, yet my feeling is that they squandered their best chance for a championship with their collapse in the 4th quarter of Game 3 of the NBA Finals last year – that was as close as you could get to a Buckner/Bartman type of performance in pro basketball (for the college basketball version, please see the Arizona Wildcats vs. the Illinois Fighting Illini in the 2005 NCAA Chicago Regional Final). There’s a lot of bad chi around Mark Cuban’s team IMHO. The real wild card for me is Houston, with the Tracy McGrady/Yao Ming combo poised to finally fulfill its potential plus Bonzi Wells, Shane Battier, and my main Illini man Luther Head. From my perspective, the Rockets are going to vault past the Mavs and become the new challenger to the Spurs this year. (If you have access to the Wall Street Journal, there’s an insightful piece today about how Houston is beginning to apply “Moneyball”-style quantitative analysis to basketball.)

As for the rest of the West, as long as the Phoenix Suns continue to refuse to play defense, whether or not Amare Stoudemire is healthy, they aren’t getting very far. As I alluded to before, I’m personally sick of how we’ve had several years of talk about how open floor offensive-oriented teams such as the Suns and Mavs are going to take over the NBA and how every league rule change has been made to aid them (for other sports, see also Peyton Manning’s Colts and the lineup for the Yankees), yet when it comes to the playoffs, the teams with the better defensive units always prevail in the end. We’re also heading into year 2 of bizarro world where the Clippers are considered to be a step ahead of the cross-the-hallway Lakers. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Kobe Bryant, with him chucking up 50 shots a game, is doing the reverse-MJ career arc. The Lakers at least rewarded Illinois great Brian Cook with a nice new contract extension the other day. On another note, if Sam Smith has anything to do with it, Kevin Garnett will be involved in about 20 personnel moves by the trade deadline in February (15 of which will be with the Bulls). We won’t even get into the fact that Don Nelson is back on the sidelines with Golden State. (I long for the days of Run-TMC and the Killer Crossover.)

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Meanwhile, the Utah Jazz have become my second favorite NBA team for an obvious reason: Jerry Sloan’s club boasts three members of the 2005 Illini Final Four team on its roster with Deron Williams, Dee Brown, and Roger Powell Jr. When taking into the consideration of Head’s presence in Houston and James Augustine initiating his pro career with the Magic this year, that means that the entire starting lineup from that Illinois team has made it to the NBA, which IlliniBoard points out might be the first for any college program since the “Fab Five” Michigan team.  (Let me know if you can think of any other college squad since the early ’90s that has accomplished this – I don’t have time to research this subject right now.) I held out the hope that the Jazz-Rockets matchup last night would yield a moment where Williams, Brown, Powell, and Head would all be on the floor at the same time (FYI – if you have DirecTV, NBA League Pass is free for everyone this week), but it looks like Dee and Roger are going to be relegated to mostly garbage time minutes. Still, I got a huge kick out of watching Deron and Luther guard each other for awhile in the second quarter… it got a little misty in the Frank the Tank household there.

But I digress. As much fun as all of the West will be, the boring old Spurs still have too much. Plus, there seems to be a trend with them winning every other year.

Western Conference Final Standings Prediction: (1) San Antonio Spurs, (2) Houston Rockets, (3) Dallas Mavericks, (4) Los Angeles Clippers, (5) Phoenix Suns, (6) Los Angeles Lakers, (7) Denver Nuggets, (8) Utah Jazz, (9) Minnesota Timberwolves, (10) Sacramento Kings, (11) New Orleans Hornets, (12) Memphis Grizzlies, (13) Seattle Supersonics, (14) Golden State Warriors, (15) Portland Trailblazers

4) Over/Under on Number of Games Ron Artest Will Miss Due To Suspensions – 12

5) Over/Under on Number of Games Ron Artest Will Miss Due To Promotions For His Rap Album – 15

6) NBA Finals Projection – You know that I love the Bulls, but Tim Duncan and company are due again. The pick: San Antonio Spurs over Chicago Bulls in 6.

(Images from Bulls.com, Slam Online, Jim Bell Designs)

Frank the Tank’s Classic Music Video of the Week: Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leppard

Here’s your chance to experience Def Leppard live in action. My belated Bulls and NBA season preview is on tap for tomorrow.

(This and a ton of other clips are on the Frank the Tank Channel on YouTube.)

No Beer and No TV Make Frank the Tank Go Something Something

I know that the Ben Wallace Era and the NBA season start tonight, but I’ve been slacking off too much to get in my Bulls/NBA preview on time. Don’t despair, though; I’ll have it later this week. Until then, enjoy “The Shinning”, which I consider to be the best clip out of any of”The Simpsons” Halloween episodes. Have fun trick-or-treating and GO BULLS!

Land-o-Links – 10/27/2006

The long Bears bye week is finally over. Until Sunday’s game, there’s a smorgasbord of links to start your weekend off right, so let’s get to it:

1) The Marques Colston Travesty (Manning Family Reunion) – I make no apologies for noticing this glitch after Week 1 and immediately picking up Colston for my Yahoo fantasy football team to exploit it. You snooze, you lose.

2) We Have Ways Of Making Your Mascot Talk (Deadspin) – A warning for all of my family members that attended or are attending Penn: this video is a bit disturbing.

3) “The Running of the Brides” (Linda) – My sister was caught on TV this past weekend (it’s one her friends that’s the future bride).

4) Portland Trail Blazers Get Hint After Being Left Off 2006-07 NBA Schedule (The Onion) – Last year, I saw a bunch of Trail Blazers walk into the Las Vegas casino I was staying in at the time. Let’s just say that it was like Grand Theft Auto, only in real life with really tall guys.

5) Slabs Are Joining Scoops in Ice Cream Retailing (New York Times) – Cold Stone Creamery rules.

6) Tom Skilling Gets Out of Jury Duty (Chicagoist) – His brother knows a thing or two about criminal courtrooms.

7) Fire Jay Mariotti (Petition Spot) – Sign me up.

8) That’s Where The Money Is (Free Darko) – Here’s a big reason why I’m excited for the upcoming Bulls season that’s starting on Halloween night.

9) Ray-Ban Hopes to Party Like It’s 1983 By Relaunching Its Wayfarer Shades (Wall Street Journal) – Remember when this fashion trend was cemented by this commentary on the University of Illinois by our favorite Scientologist?

10) Harold Ford Jr. On His Playboy Party (YouTube) – Even by today’s lowlife standards, the Tennessee Senate race has been particularly ugly. Fortunately, Harold Ford Jr. perfectly summed up his reasons for attending a Playboy Party at the Super Bowl last year. Amen, brother!

11) The Cubs Might Kill This Man (Siberian Baseball) – Take it from someone that’s a White Sox fan: hiring Lou Piniella as manager was the right move for the Cubs. I know that there was a sentiment out there to bring in hometown hero Joe Girardi, but savvy baseball fans know that you don’t get much better than Piniella at the helm. The franchise has been putzing around since 1908, so the least that it could have done for its tortured fan base was get the top manager on the market, which it certainly did here.

12) Outside of Michigan and Missouri, Series Taking Hits (MLive.com) – Mike and Mike had some ominous words this morning stating that the game of baseball is in real trouble if the only time people tune into the playoffs are when the Yankees, Red Sox, Cubs, or Dodgers are involved. For what it’s worth, I’m trying to figure out exactly what deal Tony LaRussa made with the devil to give the Cardinals a 3-1 lead over the Tigers in the World Series heading into tonight.

And speaking of the World Series…

13) Indelible Soxtober Snapshots (Chicago Tribune) – One year ago yesterday, I was basking in the glow of the first White Sox World Series Championship since 1917 in the comfort of my home with my wife. What made that Sox season magical was that, unlike the ’85 Bears, the Bulls dynasty of the ’90s, or the ’05 Illinois Final Four run, it truly came out of the blue: I had no expectations for the team whatsoever at the beginning of last year. In fact, I was pretty convinced that I would never see the White Sox win it all in my lifetime. Fortunately, the magic of Ozzie Guillen’s signaling for the fat man from the bullpen, Paul Konerko’s grand slam, Scott Podsednik finding his power stroke twice in the postseason after not hitting a single homerun during the regular season, Geoff Blum coming off of the bench to hit a game-winning RBI after 14 innings, El Duque punching out three straight batters with the bases loaded against the Red Sox, the White Sox starting rotation pitching four straight complete games in the ALCS, A.J. Pierzynksi’s decision to run to first with a phantom ball in the dirt, and Bobby Jenks routinely making that annoying “fire” graphic come up on the Fox radar gun to close the games out made last October one of those months that I’ll be telling my kids about years from now. As for today, though, there’s always next year.

Frank the Tank’s Classic Music Video of the Week: I Wish – Skee Lo

In commemoration of my high school class reunion, here’s an underrated song from my graduation year of 1996. I’m sure Skee Lo reflects a lot of the insecurities that we went through during that time in our lives.

(This and a ton of other clips are on the Frank the Tank Channel on YouTube.)

Glory Days(?) For One More Night

madeas-class-reunion.jpg

I walked into a Wrigleyville bar this past weekend with the strains of Nirvana, R.E.M., Pearl Jam, and tracks from “The Chronic” blasting from the speakers. That could only mean one thing: the Homewood-Flossmoor High School Class of 1996 Reunion!

In many ways, HF was and still is a typical upper-middle to upper class high school in the Chicago suburbs, save for the fact that it is located south of 57th Street, which means that most people from the Chicago area that are not from the South Side would have an easier time finding Krygyzstan on a map than the town that I grew up in (Glenwood). A group of vandals during my freshman year of high school had an interesting way of summing up our student population with some graffiti plastered across the front of our school. Instead of the typical “HF SUCKS” comment or the like, they spray painted an admittedly brilliant knock on our school sign: “GO AWAY YUPPIE LARVAE”. Something told me that this wasn’t your average gang tag.

Personally, I had a great time in high school, so I was looking forward to the evening. (For other observations on high school reunions, check out TK and Cindy.) That being said, it’s definitely a period of time that I would never want to go back to (in contrast to, say, my inebriated college years). Here are my random thoughts from the night where I reconnected with all of my fellow Yuppie Larvae:

1) The More Things Change, The More Things Stay The Same – The largest surprise of the evening was that there was an utter lack of surprises. I was expecting to run into a large number of people who had gone through some type of metamorphasis, whether positive or negative. There had to be a bunch of dorks that were on the lowest rung of the high school food chain that had scored millions in an IPO, right? Hadn’t some of the cheerleaders become fat and ugly?

Instead, in almost all instances, people didn’t look any different and had essentially the same personalities. The popular kids still appeared to be as polished as ever while the nerdier ones of the class really didn’t change that much. It was as if though I was time warped back to a 1996 prom after-party. There was one glaring exception to this, though, where a guy who was a short roly poly-type in high school grew another foot taller, lost all of his excess weight, and is now married to someone that could pass for a runway model. That guy, without question, wins the Comeback Player of the Decade Award.

2) Reunion or Mixer? – At least in the Chicago area, it’s pretty common to have a high school reunion at a bar in the city. This is perfectly fine on paper (I will always take full advantage of any open bar and the tavern hopping scene in downtown Homewood, while better than most suburbs, isn’t exactly enthralling), but for me, our reunion ended up feeling as though I went out to a random bar and just happened to run into a bunch of my high school classmates in the back. I’m not saying that we ought to go back to the days of having a class reunion in the old high school gym with a bowl of punch, yet I feel there ought to be some middle ground here. I just don’t know what that would be.

3) You Don’t Have To Go Home But You Can’t Stay Here – Speaking of the reunion’s location, it was perfectly fitting that a quintessential South Side high school ended up having a class reunion only steps away from the North Side symbol of Wrigley Field. That’s because I would have a better chance of running into a high school classmate in New York City or San Francisco than I would in Glenwood, Homewood, Flossmoor, or the other towns that HF drew students from. Granted, the vast majority of people still live in the Chicagoland area (with a plurality living specifically in either Lincoln Park or Lakeview in the city), but it was amazing to find out that only 2 people that I talked to out of well over 100 people at the reunion still lived within the HF boundary lines. I figured that there was an exodus of some sort, yet I didn’t realize its extent.

4) Please Fill In Occupation, Marital Status, Children – The occupations of my old classmates ran the gamut with a heavy tilt toward the professional side that you’d expect from a suburban high school – tons of lawyers (I’m guilty there), financiers, doctors, and sales people along with a smattering of graduate students. There were a few interesting jobs that stuck out, though, including a director of marketing at a casino (on scale of 1 to 10 as to the likelihood of that type of job leading me to a John Belushi-style early death, I would put it at a 997) and the speechwriter for the CEO of one of the largest and famous companies in the world.

There were a whole lot more married people than I was expecting, if only because it seems as though most of the people that I do keep in touch with from the past are determined to continue to carry on the torch of bachelorhood for the next decade. I was mentally prepared in concept to find out that some of my old classmates had procreated, but it was still jarring to imagine some of these people having to care for the life of another human being.

(It must be noted here that my wife, bless her heart, was a complete trooper throughout the evening since she knew absolutely no one. She absolutely rules!)

In the end, it was a lot of fun to catch up with all of those people that I hadn’t seen in ten years. We all had a drink (or ten) while rehashing and laughing about the drama and the emotional peaks and valleys that we went through in high school that was all for nothing yet, at the same time, shaped us for the rest of our lives. The Yuppie Larvae have finally grown up.

(Image from Wikipedia)

New Features on Frank the Tank’s Slant and Land-o-Links for 10/23/2006

There are a few new features on the sidebar, including The Slant Poll of the Week that aims to capture the pulse of the winners of society that read this blog and lists of Recent Posts and the Top Posts of the Day. Later this week, I’ll step away from the world of sports and news to recap my 10-year high school reunion. (Hooray HF!) Until then, here are some links:

1) Give Me Back the Old Iron Mike, The Wordsmith (Chi-Sox Blog) – A heartfelt call for the return of the preeminent public speaker of our time. For those that need a reminder of the brilliance of Mike Tyson, here’s his magnum opus.

2) Fantasy Sports? Child’s Play. Here, Politics Is The Game (New York Times) – I enjoy discussing politics more than most people, but I’ve got to draw the line here.

3) Obama vs. Clinton – A Primary Fight for the Ages? (Washington Post) – Speaking of politics, people are going a little overboard with Barack Obama merely mentioning that he’s thought about running for President. I’ve said before that 2008 would be a great time for him to run, but it’s not as if though yesterday’s Meet the Press interview was some grand revelation that has justified being the lead story of virtually every newscast and newspaper in the country.

4) Dartmouth – Holy Cross Football “Brawl” (YouTube) – Forget about that Miami-FIU fight. This is what happens when the dregs of society don’t get into Harvard or Yale.

5) Egg Salad Is Latest Food To Be Found Contaminated (Chicagoist) – This is why your diet should consist of only frozen pizza, bacon, and Twinkies.

6) MILF Weed (YouTube) – I don’t have Showtime so I haven’t gotten into “Weeds” yet, but this is a great clip with my main man Snoop Dogg.

And finally…

7) The Cubs Casket (Goat Riders of the Apocalypse) – The Cubs finally killed him. Thank goodness that I’m a White Sox fan.