A Humane Society

Sadly, the one image that I'll probably never forget from this past weekend was the horrific sight of Barbaro coming up lame in the Preakness on Saturday. His injury turned out to be close to the worst-case scenario with a near-complete shattering of his hind leg. Normally, a horse suffering Barbaro's type of injury would have been euthanized immediately on the track and even after a promising surgery yesterday, he still has only a 50-50 chance of surviving.

The author Jane Schwartz wrote an introspective piece in the New York Times today examining why people care so much about an animal to which they have no personal connection. This brings up the larger point of how much people care about animals in general. For instance, while watching the season finale of "Grey's Anatomy", I felt ten times more pangs of emotion when Meredith's dog was put down (by Chris O'Donnell, no less – Hoo-Hah!) than when Izzie's not-really-boyfriend-but-still-the-love-of-her-life Denny Duquette died at the end of the show. I certainly don't mean that I would value an animal's life over a human's life, but I also doubt that I was the only person that felt that way after that episode.

The funny thing is that I used to think the notion of caring about an animal that much was crazy. Growing up, I never had a real pet other than a goldfish that might have survived about a week after I had won it from a carnie. My disdain for cats was once so deep that I was quoted as stating that felines were the "welfare babies of the animal kingdom."

That attitude changed about a year-and-a-half ago, when my wife convinced me to go to the Naperville Humane Society to take a look at some tiny kittens that she saw. Of course, a lifetime of cat-hating was pretty much wiped away once I had a few moments to play with a 3-month-old tabby named Tater Tot (props to the shelter for coming up with name – his stripes completely match the color of the delectable fried potato treats). After taking a day to think about what my wife and I were plunging ourselves into, I came back to next day to sign the adoption papers and he was brought home after his neutering.

About a week later, my wife came back home one day from work and found Tater slumping along slowly and barely being able to open his eyes. His fur was dried out and his weight had dropped to less than one pound. Terrified, my wife immediately took him to our veterinarian to see what was wrong. After an examination, the prognosis was not good at all – Tater was severely dehydrated and the vet didn't know if he would survive the night, much less be healthy long-term. For the next few evenings, we transported him back and forth to an overnight facility, where he would lay in an incubator and receive a catheter to keep him alive. Numerous tests were performed to see if Tater had certain diseases commiserate with his symptoms, but nothing came back positive. Even though that was the case, the doctors that looked at him all thought that his sickness was so severe that it was almost certain that he wouldn't make it.

During that time, I was a complete emotional wreck. I was someone that a couple of weeks earlier couldn't fathom the thought of even owning a cat, yet other than the day back in college when I found out that my father had cancer, that was the most scared I had ever been in my life. I reached the point where I wondered if we should just take Tater home so that he wouldn't spend his last hours in a hospital. My wife, bless her heart, was resolute, though: we were not going to give up.

It probably wasn't rational to keep pressing on – we had already spent more money than I had spent on myself in my entire life for doctors and Tater still wasn't showing any improvement after days of being in constant care. As a last hope, our vet referred us to a specialist at a 24-hour care facility. We took Tater there and all we could do at that point was to pray for a miracle.

Amazingly, the miracle came! Within 2 days, Tater's health had turned for the better against all odds. There wasn't any magic drug or treatment. What had brought him to almost certain death only a few days before just suddenly went away and no one could explain what had happened. Within moments after finally bringing Tater back home after he spent days tied to machines just to keep his vital signs stable, he starting jumping around and batting at shoelaces and strings as if he were completely normal. To this day, my wife and I light up everytime he comes into the room with his boundless energy.

The thoughts of those personally agonizing days have come up again in the wake of Barbaro's grim outlook. Schwartz compared the plight of Barbaro to the story of the 1975 Triple Crown contender Ruffian, where she suffered a similar injury that resulted in an emergency surgery that ultimately failed. According to Schwartz, "No one who was involved with Ruffian's treatment expected her to survive. Not in any rational sense. They operated on her in the hope that they might buy time for a miracle to take place."

Tater Tot is living proof that such a miracle can indeed take place. Let's hope that Barbaro has his own miracle.

The Beauty of Being a Sox Fan This Weekend

Since the days of the old Windy City Classic exhibitions where the White Sox and Cubs (or at least a bunch of their minor leaguers a la Michael Jordan playing for the Sox at Wrigley back in 1994) would play each other for charity to the advent of interleague play, there was always one thing in common with all of those games: Sox fans cared a whole lot more about winning those matches than Cubs fans.

I don't need to go into too much detail about the well-worn stories of the historic inferiority complex of Sox fans compared to our cuddly neighbors to the north with their gem of a ballpark and superstation-fueled national fanbase. I'll sum up those dark ages in this fashion: few things would get my blood-boiling more than traveling out-of-town, mentioning to someone that I was from Chicago, and then having that person ask about what I thought of the "Cubbies," to which I would retort something rhyming with that the team could go chuck themselves. It was the ignorance of general public believing that everyone from Chicago loved the Cubs that was more maddening to me than anything else. Since the Sox were more often than not out of the pennant race by June, beating the Cubs was the one thing that would matter for the entire year.

However, the Chicago Tribune's John Kass wrote a poignant column today which perfectly sums up how the baseball universe has turned since last October. We won the World Series, which pretty much washed away the outright bitterness that I always applied to these crosstown games. What matters more than beating the Cubs is staying ahead of Detroit (who is inexplicably crushing everyone this year) and Cleveland while making another run in October – and I can say that without a hint of B.S. Winning a World Series and having an even more talented team on paper the next season changes your perspective on things.

Meanwhile, what do Cubs fans have to look forward to? Watching the savior Kerry Wood get rocked for a homerun per inning in each of his outings? Hoping Derrek Lee comes back before they fall behind the Pirates in the NL Central standings? Praying that Mark Prior still has at least one or two functioning limbs? For the first time that I can recall, this crosstown weekend actually means more to Cubs fans than Sox fans. Sure, I still want the Sox to pummel the Cubs everytime in the same manner that I'd like to see the Bears beat the Packers or the Illini to oust Michigan, but the season doesn't hinge on this weekend anymore. For me, that's a beautiful thing.

Land-o-Links – 5/16/2006

I hope all of you got your helpings of "Grey's Anatomy" and "24" last night without any delays caused by Dubya. Anyway, on to today's links:

1) What Happened to Michael Jackson's Fortune? – This ought to be the first installment of a new E! or VH1 series about how celebrities have blown their fortunes, such as "What Happened to Hammer's Fortune?" or "What Happened to Gary Coleman's Fortune?" That's got to be better than another installment of some stupid list show that invariably concludes with a story about a Brad-Angelina-Tom-Katie cyborg baby.

2) Lost on Thursdays? – ABC might have finally figured it out regarding non-stop seasons. (Update: ABC has made it official that it will run "Lost" continuously and without repeats next season, but it's staying on Wednesday nights.  Instead, "Grey's Anatomy" is moving to Thursday.)

3) NU Probes Alleged Hazing – I'm proud to say that the representatives of my alma mater's athletic department actually have some class and dignity, unlike those Dookies and Wildcats.

And finally…

4) Ron Zook Rocks It, Dude, Totally (submitted by Minneapolis Red Sox) – Um, let's scratch what I just stated above.

Land-o-Links – 5/10/2006

The links are University of Illinois-centric today – there just happen to be a number of news items out there (nothing about Chief Illiniwek here, although I'll tackle that at some point):

1) U. of I. Admission About to Get Harder for Residents – It's really interesting to see how efforts to make the University of Illinois into a more selective and elite institution seems to be thought of as a bad thing. At least that's the impression that I got from today's front page Chicago Tribune article. Of course, they just interviewed complaining high school students, parents, and counselors while not bothering to talk to a single U of I alum or current student. I understand the dilemma here, where the academic goals of a public university might run counter to the notion that it's supposed to provide a taxpayer-supported service to in-state residents.

However, as an alum, I want Illinois to be perceived nationally to be at the same level as Michigan and Berkeley. In order to achieve that, Chancellor Herman's initiative to bring in more out-of-state and international students is necessary. Wisconsin is an example of a public school that has been beating us in that regard and it's reflected in our Big Ten rival to the north consistently being rated higher than us in the U.S. News rankings. The quality of our faculty and the GPA and test score numbers of our students are right in line with both Michigan and Wisconsin, yet the biggest difference is that those other two schools draw a large percentage of high quality out-of-state students, particularly from the East Coast, while our student body has consisted of over 90% Illinois residents for quite awhile. If we only draw people from a single region, we're going to be perceived as a regional school.

2) Eighth Annual ACC/Big Ten Challenge Matchups – Is it too early to start thinking about college basketball again? I don't think so. We get a home date with Maryland on Tuesday, November 28th, which should be a pretty good matchup. The Ohio State-UNC game on November 29th, though, will probably be the top non-conference meeting of the year.

3) Illini Ponder Chicago Tournament – More basketball: Illinois might set up their own basketball tournament to take place over Thanksgiving weekend at the new arena being built in Hoffman Estates.

And finally…

4) The World's Best University – A little pep-talk from a guy graduating this year that points out one of the things I loved about attending Illinois: balance.

Land-o-Links – 5/8/2006

I'm extremely disappointed in Kobe and Company for completely blowing their momentum from this past week. This isn't because I have any affinity for the Lakers – in fact, I can't stand them. I just wanted to see a Lakers-Clippers playoff series. To me, the gap between the Lakers and Clippers is the greatest disparity in terms of history and cachet in any pro intra-city rivalry. It would have been magnificent to see all of those pent-up emotions boil over in the playoffs with all of the games being played in the same building. Unfortunately, this second round of the NBA Playoffs is the biggest letdown in terms of a "what-could-have-been" sports matchup since the prospect of a Cubs-Red Sox World Series in 2003. Anyway, on to today's links:

1) Freakonomics: A Star is Made – Stephen J. Dubner and Steven D. Levitt, the authors of "Freakonomics," put together this short examination of how much natural talent really plays into performing at high levels in any profession. They also look at a statistical quirk as to how a disproportionate number of top soccer players are born in the earliest months of the year. By the way, if you haven't read "Freakonomics" yet, I suggest that you go pick it up ASAP – it's absolutely one of the most fascinating books I've ever read.

2) Homer No. 713 a Super-Sized Blast – Is there anything I care less about? I'm sick of it.

3) Conan O'Brien Speaks: 'Chicago is in our DNA' – Conan's in town this week.

And finally…

4) McNally Smith College of Music Announces 'Ice Cube Scholarship' – I thought all of us at Illinois were cool for going to a school that awards the Hugh Hefner Scholarships. However, at this point, I don't believe anything can beat being called an "Ice Cube Scholar."

Bulls Can’t Take the Heat but Summertime Should be Fun

It's been fun watching this young Bulls team mature over the last month of the regular season and through the playoffs. However, I think a lot of us were drinking a bit of Kool-Aid in believing that this rag-tag group could knock off a Heat team that boasts a starting lineup featuring two of the top five players in the NBA in Shaq and Dwyane Wade.

In the wake of being eliminated last night, though, the Bulls have a lot to look forward to this offseason. They have tons of cap space to pursue a free agent (NBADraft.net has a "State of the Cap: Chicago Bulls" article up on its wesbite) and at the very least a top-five draft pick via Isiah Thomas' gifts back to his hometown (for your pure entertainment for the day, please see the "State of the Cap: New York Knicks" entry) to add to a continuously improving young core group of players. Hopefully, the Bulls can address their two glaring needs:

1) Size in the Frontcourt – This has been the biggest issue for the Bulls all season and it was on full display in the last two games against Miami. I thought that Tim Thomas could have provided some help this year for the Bulls in that area, so I sent in a question to the Chicago Tribune's Sam Smith on the subject. He posted a response to my email online, which essentially said that "you had to be there" and that Thomas was a bum. I'll trust Smith's judgment since I consider him to be the Peter Gammons of the NBA, but I'm still not completely sold after watching Thomas drain a monster three-pointer to save the Suns' season last night.

Anyway, a lot of buzz for the upcoming draft have the Bulls using their draft pick from the Knicks on LaMarcus Aldridge or Tyrus Thomas (of course, it will depend upon where the lottery balls fall in a couple of weeks). Either of those guys look great on paper. What I'm worried about, however, is the only reason that those players are rated so high is that the upcoming draft has a dearth of quality big men and that their athleticism is being touted more than their power games. In essence, Aldridge and Thomas both sound like Tyson Chandler at this point, which won't help the Bulls at all.

Ben Wallace is a free agent and would turn the Bulls into a bona fide contender for the NBA title immediately, but there's little indication that he wants to leave Detroit, which could become the closest thing the NBA has seen to a dynasty since the Lakers' Shaq-Kobe era if the Pistons go all the way this year. The other free agent centers on the market include Joel Przybilla, who doesn't exactly make my heart fluttering at the thought of glory again. However, a merely adequate big man might be enough for next season if the Bulls add a…

2) Gamebreaker at Shooting Guard or Small Forward – For a team that is overflowing with guys whose natural positions are at the two or three spots, the Bulls amazingly don't have a true gamebreaker among them. Sure, they have high-level players in Kirk Hinrich, Ben Gordon, Luol Deng, and Andres Nocioni rotating through those spots, but none of them is a true go-to-guy that can create his own shot when the game is on the line. Every single one of them fits the wing man role perfectly, yet I don't see a #1 alpha-dog among them when it comes to taking over a game. In order to win in the NBA, you need that one player that can just break down the other team when necessary. Some Bulls fans think that guy can be Gordon, but the problem will always be that he's a 2-guard with the size of a point guard and is simply either really hot or really cold – the consistency that you need isn't there with him and I'm not sure that will ever change.

Therefore, it wouldn't be so bad if the Bulls don't end up getting the top-2 draft pick that they're anticipating in the lottery and instead have a lower pick where they take Brandon Roy. Out of the top prospects for the draft, he combines the right athletic size and fit that the Bulls need with a proven and polished game from leading the Washington Huskies in college. If there's a Dwyane Wade-type guy in the draft, Roy is it (and I'm not just saying that because he shredded the Illini in the NCAA Tourney this year).

As a result, the Bulls might be better off signing a mid-level center such as Przybilla or Nazr Mohammed in free agency while drafting Roy as opposed to using its draft pick on a big man. Besides, if the Knicks continue to bomb next year, we'll be in position to grab Greg Oden in the 2007 draft. In that scenario, a Bulls dynasty for the 21st century won't just be a pipe dream anymore.

Bulls Chug Along, Kobe on a Rampage, and the World’s Highest Paid Couch Potato is Awake

Some thoughts on the NBA Playoffs heading into tonight's action:

1) Can the Bulls Win on the Road? – The old adage is that a series doesn't start until a road team wins a game, which means this series is still up in the air. The fortunate thing for the Bulls is that Miami might very well have the worst home crowd in the NBA. Heat fans make Lakers fans look like diehard students of the game by comparison. On the other hand, the bad thing for is that I'm just bracing for Shaq to go off on a 40-point 20-rebound rampage, especially with Tyson Chandler sitting out with a sprained ankle. I also have a hard time believing that Dwyane Wade can be kept down on a consistent basis, although Kirk Hinrich has proven time and time again that he's a top-notch defender (and has shown some intestinal fortitude on the offensive end this series, as well).

I love watching this Bulls team overachieve, but the pessimist in me (World Series or not, this is at the core of all Sox fans) knows that they have been playing pretty much flawless basketball these first four games and only have a 2-2 tie to show for it. That's a testament to how well the Bulls have coalesced as a team yet also displays that there's a ceiling to how successful you can be in the NBA without a star (don't give me some line about how the Pistons have won without stars – Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton, Ben Wallace, and Rasheed Wallace are all certified gamebreakers). Honestly, this series is going to be determined by whether the Heat can wake up and finally turn it on more than anything that the Bulls do from here on out. Here's to hoping that they continue to underestimate us.

2) Kobe the Destroyer – Other than the Bulls-Heat games, I've been paying attention to the Lakers-Suns series more than anything else in the NBA Playoffs right now. Kobe Bryant is tearing the heart out of MVP-to-be Steve Nash and Phoenix the way Michael Jordan did it to Charles Barkley's 1993 Suns and Karl Malone's 1997 Jazz when His Airness got snubbed in favor of those players for the MVP. The way that Nash melted down at both the ends of regulation and overtime and how Kobe capitalized on each of the mistakes on two buzzer-beaters in the same game on Sunday was spectacular but hardly unexpected. Kobe is leaving no doubt in anyone's mind as to who the best player in basketball in the world is today. Believe me, Nash is a top-level player, but should he have won even one MVP award much less two in a row? Don't be so naive to believe that there isn't a "Great White Hope" factor playing into this.

3) From World's Highest Paid Couch Potato to Star in the Playoffs – An unintended consequence of following the Lakers-Suns series closely is observing Bulls outcast Tim Thomas tear it up for the Suns. I had a post written back in February entitled "The World's Highest Page Couch Potato" about Thomas' strange falling out with Scott Skiles and how the Bulls sent him to sit at home even though (1) they desperately needed the size that Thomas could provide for them and (2) they were still paying $14 million for the season as the highest paid player on the team. However, by the time I was ready to post that column, he was released by the Bulls and the Suns picked him up. So far in the first four games of the Lakers series, Thomas is averaging 15.8 points and 9.3 rebounds per game for Phoenix (and that's including him missing some time at the end of game 3 due to a sprained left knee).

This begs a couple of questions. First, did Thomas really have so horrible of a work ethic that the Bulls absolutely had to send him home to sit around and collect the highest paycheck on the entire team? When the Bulls released Thomas, the two teams that wanted him the most were the Suns and the Spurs, the two best teams in the vastly superior Western Conference that also have no-nonsense coaches. It makes me question whether Thomas could have possibly been that much of a detriment. Second, if the Bulls had actually used Thomas, could they have been the most legitimate threat to the Pistons in the East this season? The Bulls are clearly overachieving right now with a team full of undersized guards and forwards. If they can get past the Heat, they could possibly make it all the way to the Eastern Conference Finals, where they would promptly get crushed by Detroit. By adding a 6'10" player that can actually shoot three-pointers extremely well, however, the Bulls could have presented a true challenge to the Pistons (and at the very least, would have had enough talent to not have to play perfect games against teams like the Heat in order to even have a chance to win).

Would Thomas have disrupted the Bulls' undeniable team chemistry? That must have been in the thoughts of both Skiles and John Paxson when they made the decision to send him home. However, when it became clear that Thomas was desired by winning teams like the Suns and Spurs, it gave me doubts as to what the hell the Bulls were looking for. Especially in light of Tyson Chandler's repeated injury problems, I don't know how the Bulls just let 15-plus points and 9-plus rebounds get away without anything in return.

Clueless Bears, Houston Has a Problem, and Other NFL Draft Thoughts

I watched NFL Draft coverage from its start on Saturday morning until my eyes finally glazed over after the Bears' second pick in the second round about seven hours later. After all of that "work," here's my synopsis of the event:

1) WTF, Bears?! – If you read my NFL Draft preview on Friday, you know that I'm not surprised that the Bears traded out of the first round on Saturday. However, there's nothing quite like watching the NFL Draft for four hours in anticipation of your team making a pick, getting excited because the top-rated and fastest wide receiver in the draft in Chad Jackson is unexepctedly there for the taking at the #26 spot, seeing the Buffalo Bills all of the sudden go up on the clock signaling that the Bears traded their first round pick, and then having to go online to find out exactly what happened since that blowhard Chris Berman and his ESPN crew didn't bother to explain the details of the trade (instead, Boomer chose to yap about how Bryant Young's uniform was hanging behind Steve Young, who was doing a live remote from the 49ers lockeroom, where Boomer then spent ten minutes about how it looked like Steve had his own jersey ready for a comeback attempt and blah blah blah blah redrum redrum).

Even better is waiting until the second round and seeing Sinorice Moss, another speedy wide receiver, fall into the Bears' lap in the second round yet watching Chicago take Danieal Manning, a defensive back from Abilene Christian (I won't knock Division 1-AA schools as a general principle only because Jackson State blessed the world with Walter Payton, but let's just say I was confused here considering we just signed a cornerback in Ricky Manning Jr. The only way this could possibly work is if Manning can play safety in order to spot oft-injured Mike Brown). The Bears then used their next pick in the second round to grab Devin Hester, another cornerback, who really will be used as a kick returner. That's fine, but I question this move when Hester's Miami teammate Moss could have been grabbed earlier which would have shored up both our kick returning and wide receiver needs in one swoop. Add in the fact that we subsequently failed to draft a tight end and I've got to tell you that I'm not impressed with the Bears' draft.

2) Mario "Sam Bowie" Williams – It's not Mario Williams' fault that he was the first pick in this year's NFL Draft. I wouldn't expect him to tell the Texans that they made what could turn out to be the most boneheaded mistake in NFL history by picking him over Reggie Bush when he's being offered the richest rookie contract ever. I'm sure Mario Williams will become an upper-tier defensive player. However, unless Williams at the very least becomes the Reggie White of his generation, Houston's decision to pass on Bush is going to be the football equivalent of the Portland Trailblazers taking Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan. I don't know if I've ever seen more of a sure thing to hit it big at the pro level than Reggie Bush in my lifetime, so the Texans either have the cajones of a bull or are recklessly endangering their franchise. Early returns point to the latter.

3) Jets Fans Have Some Brains – I was fully expecting the largest cascade of boos in the history of the NFL Draft (and that's saying something) when it was apparent that the Jets were going to be taking an offensive lineman over Hollywood heartthrob quarterback Matt Leinart. The average Jets fan would boo his own son being picked if he didn't believe that the move fit into the team's schemes. However, I was thoroughly impressed to see the Jets faithful at Radio City Music Hall applaud the pick of D'Brickashaw Ferguson at #4. I've got to give the Jets fans credit – they knew that a flashy QB wasn't nearly as important to their team as getting some semblance of protection for the QBs that they already have. New Yorkers might be loud and insufferable, but they have a pretty high collective sports IQ.

4) Leinart Comes Tumbling Down – Speaking of Matt Leinart, after the Titans and Jets passed him up, pretty much everyone knew that he would be dropping to at least the #10 spot since all of the teams in between had more pressing needs than quarterback. This goes to show you that if you are coming off a national championship in any sport and are projected to the #1 pick in the draft right afterwards, you've got to turn pro immediately for your own sake. Leinart was a complete lock to be the #1 pick last year if he had come out then but has now given up millions of dollars and didn't even win another national championship in the process. Apparently, basketball counterpart Joakim Noah hasn't learned anything from the Leinart experience.

5) Packers Scary Again – The proverbial "grass is always greener" line applies here, as uber-Packer fan Minneapolis Red Sox has bemoaned the Green Bay draft. From my perspective as a Bears fan, the Packers are back on the radar because they now have a defense again (which is more important for 2006 than Brett Favre returning). The combination of signing Charles Woodson and then drafting A.J. Hawk is going to give Green Bay two legitimate playmakers on the defensive side of the ball. (By the way, was it just me or did half of Ohio State's starting lineup on both offense and defense get drafted this past weekend? A lot of people believe that the Buckeyes will be the #1 college team this fall, yet it looks like they're going to have to replace a ridiculous number of people. Troy Smith better continue improving at the same rapid pace as he did last season if they're going to come close to meeting those expectations. Otherwise, I'm shorting OSU this year.) I don't buy Minneapolis Red Sox's thought that A.J. Hawk is the reincarnation of Brian Bosworth – Hawk, rather than being an underachieving showboating pompous ass, is one of the hardest-working players you'll ever see. Sure, the Packers are still going to need to develop a pass rush at some point (and I'm not in a rush to see that happen), but this is a great start.

All in all, it was another fun NFL Draft. I just hope that I'm wrong about the Bears.

Springtime for Kiper on Broadway

The thermometer in Chicago has routinely been hitting seventy degrees lately, which means only one thing: it's Mel Kiper Jr. season! Saturday is going to involve me getting about 12 hours worth of His Hairness dropping knowledge on television. I've always been as interested in the business side of sports as the actual competition on the field – my dream is to be the GM of the Bears, White Sox, and Bulls concurrently. Nothing quite satisfies both parts of my sports fanaticism as the NFL Draft.

Let's compare the NFL Draft to its Major League Baseball and NBA counterparts. The MLB Draft, which really isn't a televised event, is analogous to venture capitalism. Part of the reason that there's low interest is that baseball teams take prospects that they hope to develop into big leaguers over a number of years, but they rarely come across a guy that will help the Major League team within a year, much less right away. What this also means, however, is that the aptitude of each team's management has a significant impact on success in baseball drafts – those that have superior research and scouting skills obtain a true advantage. On the other side of the spectrum is the NBA Draft, which is akin to teams acquiring booming companies that just had their IPO. Basketball players are pretty much all known quantities to everyone, so there's very little of a scouting advantage that individual teams can obtain in most cases (this will be even more true starting this year with the one-year-out-of-high-school entry requirement). The upshot, however, is that basketball players can have an immediate impact at the highest level.

What the NFL Draft does is combine what the best aspects of the MLB and NBA Drafts: the quality of the teams' front offices have a real impact on a draft's success since even the well-known skill position players need to be analyzed closely to see if they can fit into the pro game similar to the MLB, while players at every position can provide instant help to the teams that draft them like the NBA.

More importantly, the NFL Draft is, nine times out of ten, more entertaining than the Super Bowl immediately preceding it. The U.S. Navy should just set the atomic clock to the moment that the Lions use their first round pick on a wide receiver – it's becoming more of a tradition in Detroit than playing on Thanksgiving Day. There will be shots of the Cowboys' "war room" where the faces of Jerry Jones and Bill Parcells will be melting right before your very eyes. His Hairness will be talking about the unique pancaking ability of some left tackle in the middle of the seventh round with the authority of someone speaking about his own son. Giants and Jets fans will start to boo their own teams' picks before they are even announced by Paul Tagliabue. And finally, there will be live feeds of team fan parties from across the nation. In 2003, this produced one of the five funniest moments I've ever seen on television inside or outside of sports, where ESPN went to a shot of some guy in Viking horns double-fisting beers and swearing his ass off with the vigor of a Tourette's patient after Minnesota failed to get its pick to the commissioner in time and got skipped.  This was such an idiotic blunder, it practically guarantees Mike Tice a lifetime job with the New York Knicks this fall (different sports be damned – I'm convinced Tice and Isiah Thomas are soulmates).

Looking  at this year's draft. Mario Williams has been getting a ton of buzz over the past week as the possible #1 draft pick, but I can't imagine the Texans doing anything other than grabbing Reggie Bush and leaving everyone else in the dust. Bush is the rare athlete that I believe can live up to the massive hype of being a once-in-a-generation running back. I don't want to sound like John Madden, but the man is the definition of "breakaway speed."

As for the Bears, we've got the #26 pick in the first round. The Bears' needs are well-known to Chicago sports fans: outside linebacker, tight end, and a speedy wideout. For now, cornerback is off that list as long as newly signed Ricky Manning Jr. stays out of jail. I'll tell you what's disturbing about this story – what the hell is a guy doing eating at Denny's the day after signing a contract for $21 million!!! I enjoy a Denny's Grand Slam breakfast as much as anyone, but if I've got $21 million and wanted to go out to eat in Los Angeles, I'd at least get an In-N-Out Burger. There's been a decent amount of speculation of the Bears taking Miami wide receiver Sinorice Moss (brother of Santana, who I rode like Zorro to fantasy football success last year) in the first round. The only problem is that he would be spotting the Mayor of Munchkinland a couple inches in a man-to-man matchup.

Of course, the most likely scenario for the Bears is that they will trade down out of the first round. I don't know if there's a study out there regarding this issue, but I'm pretty sure that the Bears hold the all-time record for Most Times a Franchise Has Traded Down in Drafts in Any Sport. History says that when the Bears are in doubt, they trade down, regardless of who the general manager is at the time. I guess it's just as well, considering first round gems such as Curtis Enis, Cade McNown, and Rashaam Salaam (I don't know what's worse: that Packer fans can throw these names at us every year around draft-time or the graphic Fox puts up on the screen during every Bears-Packers game showing how the Bears have gone through 4,581 quarterbacks since Brett Favre began his career in Green Bay – this is starting to get to Billy Goat/Bambino/Black Sox Curse proportions).

So, enjoy the NFL Draft this weekend and let's hope that the Bears fill their needs, pick the best player on the board, get some guys with upside, and fulfill every other desirable draft cliche. His Hairness awaits.

Land-o-Links – 4/25/2006

My top 99%-unlikely-but-you-never-know sports wish right now is the Bulls being able to bring Dwyane Wade back to his hometown of Chi-town when he becomes a free agent in 2007. This is a guy I'd pay serious money to watch every night. The way he's been exploding on both ends of the floor against the Bulls so far in the playoffs is just ridiculous. For the here and now, even being down 2-0 in the series, the Bulls are doing about as well as they possibly can against the Heat, who feature 2 of the top 5 players in the NBA with Wade and Shaq. At this point, if the Bulls lose this series but stretch it out to 6 games, that would be an impressive accomplishment considering their severe talent disadvantage. After that, I'll just dream of Dwayne making the United Center his homecourt. Here are some exceptional links for the day:

1) Hernandez Apologizes for Comments – "I'm Keith Hernandez."

seinfeld_hernandez.jpg 24sheep.xlarge1.jpg

2) Advertiser Counts on Sheep to Pull Eyes Over the Wool – The Dutch finally got sick of all those sheep farmer jokes.

3) Outdoor Life Network to Become Versus – The sad thing here is that I know OLN paid a lot of consultants a lot of money to run this by a lot focus groups… and this is what they came up with.

4) Blackbelt's at Back of Cicero President – As all Chicago South Siders know, Cicero puts the "ass" in "class."

5) Finland Squirms as Its Latest Export Steps into the Spotlight – Hint: the Finns aren't worried about the latest phones from Nokia.

And speaking of rockers in masks…

6) Rival Bands Clash Over Little-Person KISS Tribute – This is the type of case I need to be working on.

(Photos from ESPN.com, New York Times)